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New York Yankees 11, Minnesota Twins 3: Bronx Bomb

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We are shocked — shocked! — by this outcome.

Minnesota Twins v New York Yankees
“Do we honestly have to go through the motions of playing this game? We know we’ll beat the Twins.” “Yes, gentlemen, those are the rules.” “Dammit.”
Photo by Abbie Parr/Getty Images

Before rectalysing what went wrong in this game, let’s remember the good times, shall we? Top of the third, 0-0, one out. Kennys Vargas gets an infield hit. Jason Castro singles, and speedster Kennys takes third. Brian Dozier walks. Then Joe Mauer comes up. We’ll turn now to our ace gamethread reporter, McLoser Asshat, Jr.:

TRAAAAAPPPP

Joe lines to left, foul ball ... bad memories

Pretty good AB, Joe

Full count, baby

Severino at 100 MPH

COME ON JOE (this from myjah)

Fourth catcher trip to the mound this AB

This is the longest at-bat ever (also from myjah)

Mauer drove in a run on the thirteenth pitch, and Jorge Polanco followed with a two-run RBI. Yankees ace Luis Severino was done for the day. Things briefly felt beautiful. On the electric Twitter machine, somebody wrote:

Oh, would that it were so. But this is, after all, an important Twins/Yankees game. (The Twins are permitted to win meaningless ones.) Before Bert Blylevn could say “this is a big inning for Colon, your team’s just given you a lead, don’t put up any crooked numbers” it was all over but the muffled applause.

Aaron Judge hit a predestined two-run dong, followed by a Gary Sanchez solo shot, and you knew that was the end. Bartolo Colon would try to come out for another inning, it didn’t go well, and a combo platter of Twins slopup relievers pitched like they couldn’t wait for Chris Gimenez to get up in the bullpen and end this turd.

(Gimenez didn’t pitch. It was September callup John Curtiss, who had a 1-2-3 eighth. THIS WAS THE FIRST 1-2-3 INNING PITCHED BY THE TWINS ALL SERIES.)

Oh, and in the fifth inning, a little kid got pummeled by a screaming foul ball and lost consciousness. They had to carry the kid out of the stadium. Players from both teams were crying. That’s how awful this game was. (TJ Gorsegner provided this link to indicate that the kid should probably be OK.)

If it sounded to anybody listening on radio like Yankees fans were notably quieter than Blue Jays fans in Target Field this last weekend, well, that’s because those fans are kinda bored. According to Billy Witz in this NYT article, revenue from ticket sales is down 42% “over the last seven seasons.” Lead honcho Hank Steinbrenner (blood kin of you-know-who) says this is because “baseball, I think, has somewhat struggled with the millennial problem.” Or, you know, maybe New Yorkers liked their old stadium just fine, and aren’t hugely impressed with the new one you built just to Make More Money.

Per the link TJ gave us above, the Yankees’ ownership also decided not to extend the protective netting behind home plate. Why? Who knows. Maybe to please fans in “premium seat locations.” Making it time, once again, for:

I love NYC, and the Yankees have put together an impressive young team full of talent and heart, but these owners ... good grief.

You may recall myjah’s speculation that the Twins/Yankees curse began with an infamous incident of Dome fans chucking Dollar Dogs at Chuck Knoblauch. Commenter Coach Farmer added a new twist in today’s game thread: perhaps the ghost of Babe Ruth is angry fans ruined unlimited Dollar Dogs. Makes sense to me; the Babe did enjoy him the joy of eating, among other sensual pleasures.

Thanks to everyone who participated in the GT during the before-doom time, and keep in mind: the Twins are still one game ahead of Anaheim for the last wild-card spot. Pitching for the Angels tonight? Tricky Ricky Nolasco.

Robot Roll Call:

# Commenter # Comments
1 Aaron Judge 47
2 Coach Farmer 21
3 myjah 9
4 Gunnarthor 7
5 Can't Read Good 6
6 Bb_referee 5
7 Joel Hernandez 5
8 SooFoo Fan 4
9 clutterheart 4
10 TJ Gorsegner 3
11 Sportsavenue 2
12 CG19 2
13 MNWildcat 1