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Well, I've rewritten this intro twice, and I still hate it, so f**k that noise. Let's look at the digits:
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Read into those as your heart commands. (Fangraphs says Salazar's fastball and slider are eh, while his changeup is an absolute killer.) Me, I'm feeling pretty darned emotional, as this might be the last Wednesday of the Twins' season, and I consider being allowed to do this a supreme privilege. You have all been way more than kind. So I'll go Christmas, as nothing feeds the goofy emotions like Christmas. And, let's be honest: for baseball fans, Christmas is great, but jack doodle compared to hoping our team wins. Meaningful September baseball? That's all the holidays rolled into one. You know it's true.