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Bored blogger talks self into getting excited about Nick Buss

“I’ve done bad things, wrong things to deserve this fate.”

MLB: San Diego Padres-Media Day Rick Scuteri-USA TODAY Sports

An uneventful hot stove season across Major League Baseball has affected many fans, none more so than the bloggers tasked with generating content during the offseason.

“I guess I’m excited about Nick Buss now,” said Gina Hillman, who writes for the Twins Fanatic blog. “I’ve done bad things, wrong things to deserve this fate. I don’t know what they are. But here I am, getting everyone fired up about a minor league depth move.”

The Twins signed Buss, 31, to a minor league deal on Wednesday. He was the PCL batting champ in 2017, and can back up all three outfield spots.

“Yeeeeeee-fuckin’-haw, right? I’m so bored,” said Hillman. “Make sure you put this in all capital letters: I’M SO BORED. I’m going to write 500 words analyzing why (local cat owner Aaron) Gleeman said Buss ‘could be useful’ or something. No one’s gonna read it. Maybe I’ll write about Star Wars. Screw it.”

Minnesota’s previous moves for bullpen arms Fernando Rodney and Zach Duke, led many fans, Hillman included, to believe that a major signing was in the offing.

“I was holding my hopes out for (Yu) Darvish or someone else in that top tier of starting pitchers,” said Hillman. “But nope. And nobody else is signing those guys either! No one else has anything to write about. We’re all just tapping our fingers waiting for Ken Rosenthal to tweet something that we can overreact to.”

Still, Hillman said she has faith that something will eventually happen.

“Pitchers and catchers report on Valentine’s Day. That’s six weeks away. Someone’s gotta do something before then. They have to. I haven’t even seen Star Wars.”

“Goddammit,” Hillman added.