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Rockies @ Brewers, 4:07 PM. Atlanta @ LA, 7:37 PM. What’s with the sevens? My guess is, it’s a cryptic ESPN/FOX code alerting the Knights Templar, opening that secret pyramid chamber, so they can control the outcome of these series and ensure we have Dodgers-against-either Red Sox or Yankees in the end. Never forget, all conspiracy theories are true. (All TT writers are in cahoots with the Pohlads. There, I’ve said it. Go ahead, have Mauer assassinate me, my conscience is clear for the first time in years.)
The starting pitchers today for the two games are Senzatela vs. Woodruff, Foltynewicz vs. Ryu. Don’t pretend you know who any of these guys are, I know you’re lying. And don’t remind everybody you DO know who they are, Joel, you’re a damn baseball savant, stop mocking the rest of us.