Joe Mauer’s guide to Black Friday deals

Hi, Twins fans, it’s me, Joe Mauer. Miss me yet? LOL, just joking with ya, I only retired a couple weeks ago.

Anyhoozle, Twinkie Town asked me what I do on Black Friday, especially with a new baby to get presents for and more time on my hands. Now, what you might not know about me is that I love a good bargain and driving around town in the ol’ grocery getter. So here’s my advice:

• Remember to pick up Mom. What time does Penneys open? That’s when Mom wants to be there. And remember to have some blankets in the back to cover up what she buys, because some of those presents might be for you, and if you see them, she’s going to return them. And nobody wants that.
• Have a cooler with Thanksgiving lefties. You can get more accomplished if you don’t have to stop at a restaurant or McDonald’s. Get your leftover turkey, rolls, and maybe a condiment and make yourself some sandwiches. I like butter, but if you’re one of the adventurous types who uses Miracle Whip (too spicy, in my opinion), go for it guy.
• Information superhighway? No way Jose. A lot of people like to do their shopping online. But there’s a lot of dangerous stuff on the internet, and now they want my credit card number? What the heck? Here’s the deal: The mall has a lot of stores, a hundred I bet, and if you can’t find a good present at one of them, do you think you’re going to find one on your phone computer? Yeah right.
• Bring yesterday’s newspaper. The Thanksgiving newspaper has a whole bunch of ads with the Friday sales. Did you guys know about this? It’s a pretty neat deal. Radio Shack might have a real bargain on walkie talkies or 9-volt batteries for the walkie talkies, and then you’re done shopping for Jake (Mauer, Joe’s brother).
• Pack your patience. You guys maybe noticed that I usually didn’t swing on the first pitch LOL. Well, I take some of the patience I learned at the plate and apply it to Black Friday. Some of these parking lots are pretty full. You really have to be willing to drive around for awhile, letting some bad spots go (nice double park job, truck man) and waiting for a good one to open up. Once it does, you go for it. Boom, we’re 15 feet from the front door of Bed, Bath, & Beyond.
• Pizza party! Once you’re done for the day, there’s a Little Caesar’s right on the way home. You can get a couple pizzas and crazy bread for under $20. That’s nuts! I used to get Papa Murphy’s but Glen (Perkins, former Twins reliever) says that if they’re not going to cook the pizza for you they should be in jail. He has a lot of opinions, but that one stuck with me. It’s kind of a bummer deal that you can’t eat it right when you get home, especially if the oven’s gotta pre-heat.

Good luck to everyone out there today.

Your friend,

Joe