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Ron Gardenhire’s advice for Christmas with the folks

Your favorite Jolly Elf has some suggestions

Detroit Tigers v Texas Rangers Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Hi Everybody, It’s me, TJ, with some big news: I was able to get ahold of (not really) everyone’s favorite jolly elf. He was kind enough to provide us with some advice for spending the holiday with your family, so enjoy!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays on behalf of all of us here at Twinkie Town!

  • You gotta start the day out right. Couple slices of pie and a PBR before you head over to the folks will have you in a good mood.
  • Get someone to dress up as Santa. I dunno why, but people are always asking me to dress up as Santa this time of year. The kids love it though.
  • Don’t draw too much attention to yourself. Like I always told Nicky Punto, you gotta stay low, they can’t get ya when you’re low.
  • Give everyone a nickname. Nothing breaks up tension and brings your team together like everyone having a nickname. Even if you just have to tell that uncle from up north that he’s a hoser.
  • Start a good snowball fight. Don’t worry about that little pop you felt in your elbow. Rub some dirt on it and keep throwing. Brad Radke pitched through worse.
  • Bring one of those little portable TV’s with you. Everyone else is probably going to want to watch some boring Hallmark Christmas movie. This way you can find yourself a little corner with an outlet and watch a Die Hard marathon.
  • Order Little Caesars for everyone. Look, turkey and stuffing is great and all, but who wants to wait. Get yourself a bunch of $5 hot’n’ready pizzas. If enough people do it, they might even let me sign another catcher. Gotta have at least three catchers ya know.
  • Just skip the whole thing and go ice fishing. They’ve got some pretty little Lakes out here around Detroit, I’ll just go out for a whole day, drop a line in the water, and slam a rack of PBR. Sounds way better than spending like eleven hours with the family, doesn’t it.