Sources: Your dad will not pronounce ‘Schoop’ correctly until well into 2019

The Twins’ acquisition of former Oriole/Brewer second baseman Jonathan Schoop received mostly positive reviews on Thursday, with a relatively inexpensive contract ($7.5 million for one year) for a spot that needed filling, and the hope that he’ll return to his 2017 form.

The reaction was more subdued at your childhood home, as sources are saying your dad, Jeff, will butcher Schoop’s last name well into the 2019 MLB season.

“Pa loves the Twins, but he’s terrible with names,” said Julie, your father’s wife and your birth mother. “He’s going to see it on TV, and he’s going to say ‘Shoop’, and it’s just going to be like that for awhile.”

Your younger brother Lucas, who still lives at home, confirmed this account.

“We haven’t seen a situation like this since the (Mike) Krzyzewski Incident of 2010,” said the 17-year-old, who vapes and hopes to attend UMD. “He was watching the Final Four, they showed the Duke head coach’s name, and he thought the TV was broken. He even said, ‘I bet Coach K is going to get mad about that.’ Classic dad.”

Sources speculate that a post-All-Star Game timetable is appropriate for your dad to get it ironed out.

“If Schoop struggles early on, it’s a pretty good bet that Pa will say something like ‘Scope? Who’s Scope’,” says your mother. “‘Didn’t we sign that Shoop guy to play 2nd? Did he get hurt? Typical Twins luck.’ Then he’ll go back to listening in the garage.”

“State Fair/Labor Day is a pretty good guess,” added your brother. “We’ll act like he was saying it right all along. It’s like when mom found my vape pen while doing the laundry. She just set it on the dryer and we didn’t talk about it.”