Jake Cave optioned to Jake Cave

The Minnesota Twins made a host of roster moves on Thursday, setting up their rotation for the season’s first few weeks and getting their bench in order.

Among the moves was optioning recent acquisition Jake Cave, who the Twins received from the Yankees in last week’s Luis Gil trade. While other players are headed to the minors or the open market, Cave is on his way to Jake Cave, the cave for Jakes.

“Jake’s a professional, so he understood that there just wasn’t room for him on the 25-man roster as things stand right now,” said Twins GM Derek Falvey. “The best place for him at this point in his career is Jake Cave, the cave for Jakes.”

Located in a hilly region of southern Tennessee near Chattanooga, Jake Cave is fed by natural spring water and has provided a home for wayward Jakes since the late 1800s. Tennessee State Parks Deputy Commissioner Brock Hill thinks it’s an ideal spot for the Minnesota outfielder.

“It’s a good place for Jakes to get their bearings and be around other Jakes,” said Hill. “We have a long history of Jakes going on to great personal and professional success after spending time in Jake Cave.”

Although privacy concerns prevent Jake Cave officials from naming Jake Cave alumni, multiple sources confirm actor Jake Gyllenhaal, major league pitcher Jake Peavy, and ‘90s third-wave ska revival band Less Than Jake all spent time in Jake Cave.

“Those guys (Less Than Jake) left a bunch of trumpets and porkpie hats laying about the grounds,” said a park official who asked to remain anonymous. “A lot of the new guys pick them up and start skanking to the beat. It’s not uncommon for our Jakes to return to society and start a ska revival in their town.

“We don’t like to advertise that part.”

Team officials say Jake Cave will report to Jake Cave today.