The forecast for Target Field and a good chunk of Minnesota for the next two days is dire. Plans you had made to check out a game against a rebuilding White Sox team, or at least cozy up with Dickandbert and Marney at home, are likely shot. What can you, the local baseball fan, do? Here are some suggestions:
- Watch Shohei Ohtani. The Angels play the Royals this weekend. Ohtani is already a staple of your morning SportsCenter highlights, and now he’s going to make Kansas City miserable. He’s scheduled to start Sunday and maybe DH or pinch-hit once or twice before that.
- Try to name other Angels besides Ohtani and Mike Trout. This is a great exercise for a housebound fan. Is Darin Erstad still on the team? I don’t know!
- Watch the Red Sox/Yankees series. Normally no sane human being would recommend these 5-hour slogs between two franchises that are actively harmful to America and the world, but their big baseball lads might start roughhousing again. Is there anything funnier than relief pitchers ambling towards the infield to mingle around a donnybrook and/or fracas? No.
- Weigh the benefits of shoveling. Look outside right now. Most of the snow has melted. There was a ton earlier this week. Can you just let all the incoming precipitation go away with the gradual assistance of nature’s snow blower? That snow is going to be super heavy and you have a trick back. You’ve never watched Breaking Bad. When’s the last time you read a damn book?
- Look at archival pictures of a collapsed Metrodome. There is a 100% possibility that this storm would’ve brought it down.
- Predict the monstrous Bloody Mary variation at Target Field in 2019. They put an entire breakfast buffet on a Bloody Mary this year. What possible violation of God’s law can they come up with next season? An entire cow? Pad thai? Lasagna? Suffering is the only guarantee.
What do you have planned? Let us know in the comments section.