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Monday Morning Minnesota: Ryan LaMarre has come Ryan LaFarre

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and I’m not sorry for that pun.

MLB: Spring Training-Minnesota Twins at Tampa Bay Rays Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Baseball is real again! In slightly-delayed celebration here are some links painstakingly procured by me through at least 4 pages of google results for “links about Twins or whatevs.” You are welcome.

  • The Twins are grumps about an Oriole bunting to break up a....one hitter? In related news grown men continue to be hilarious.
  • Ryan LaMarre, the feel good hit of the spring, had a long and winding journey to his first opening day rostering. Michigan Live chronicles the journey.
  • The 2018-2019 International Bonus Pool allotments have been revealed. The Twins are in the top tier. So now they can trade the permission to spend their money for actual assets again, or be allowed to spend their actual money on actual assets. Baseball’s economy is weird.
  • Jason Castro is surprisingly not a statcast darling despite his stellar reputation as “good catcher guy” as we in the biz say.

Today’s soundtrack is going to be BEFORE the old timey antics because this is a long one that needs some music behind it.

Old-Timey Baseballer of the Day: Horace “Wetbottom” Hoolihan

Hoolihan gained his unfortunate nickname due to his propensity for playing hard as an amateur in the muddy New England lots-turned-ballparks. His wet buttedness landed him a major gig with Detroit in 1889, but the promising spark-plug would die in the midst of his rookie season after getting really drunk and apparently “trying to mount a horse from behind” which I hope is not what we are all immediately thinking, and actually just attempted horse joy-ridery. Said horse kicked him in the nose causing death. Also I made him up, but you weren’t completely sure because the past is freaking insane.

Real Old-Timey Baseballer of the Day: Germany Schaefer

Germany played 15 seasons of major league ball, debuting in 1901, and was a roughly average baseball dude of the era. He was a pioneer of baseball clownery, and was known to wear raincoats and take umbrellas onto the field of play to try and convince umpires to call a game due to weather. In one account, upon coming up to bat in a raincoat during a slight drizzle, he was sent to the dugout by the umpire to take off the coat, but the drizzle turned into a full blown downpour and the ump was forced to call the game. That’s either a hell of a coincidence, or Schaefer was (is?????) actually a wizard. His most entertaining story, however, is the time he stole first base.

Germany was on first, while Davy Jones (another wizard???) was on third. The double steal of second and home was common ploy at the time and the Schaefer/Jones duo wanted to attempt that. Germany would successfully steal second, but the catcher never made a throw, forcing Jones to stay at third. Not wanting to give up on the double steal, on the next pitch Germany raced back to first base much to the bewilderment of the opposing players and fans alike. This would pay off as the double steal was attempted again, and this time worked. Eventually running backwards was officially codified as “not what you are supposed to do, Germany, sheesh.” Sadly, in 1919, only a year removed from his playing days Tuberculosis would take Schaefer to the grave. Unless he faked his death because people were starting to get suspicious of immortal rain wizard abilities.

And with that: Have a nice day!