Normally in gamethreads we use some stats, trends, or a sabermetrical approach to explain why our Twins are in a rut. Well when it comes to playing the Yankees, it has become obvious that there is some other kind of dark force at work and we must take a more drastic approach. The Twins are cursed, and we need to do something about it.
Now I am no expert in the black arts. Every time I've ever asked a magic 8 ball if a girl liked me I always got a "Most Likely No" answer. I assume it was defective, even though invariably it was right.
So as a novice in the curse business I turned to the best source of information available on how to conquer the unseen.....WikiHow.
They lay out an easy step by step guide which I narrowed down to three steps. I assume if we all follow these steps we will finally be rid of our Yankee
STEP 1: Figure out if you are cursed
Do bad things happen to you all the time? Does milk spoil in your refrigerator? Has your favorite team gone 42-100 in regular season games since the year 2000 vs the New York Yankees? Then you are probably dealing with a curse.
STEP 2: Breaking the Curse
1: Find some strange plants and bathe with them, or burn them. Preferably both.
2: Babble incoherent things to made-up Deities and hope for the best
3: Consult professional help. I'm not talking about a therapist. No, hire real witches like at this site HireAwitch.com
STEP 3: Enjoy a Curse Free Life
Live your life to the fullest. Gone are the days of hiding in your basement prior to an upcoming Yankees series. No longer will a Twins-Yankees playoff series require months of rehabilitation therapy. The curse is over.
|MINNESOTA TWINS||NEW YORK YANKEES|
|Brian Dozier - 2B||Brett Gardner - CF|
|Joe Mauer - 1B||Aaron Judge - RF|
|Miguel Sano - 3B||Didi Gregorius - SS|
|Eddie Rosario - LF||Giancarlo Stanton - LF|
|Max Kepler - CF||Gary Sanchez - DH|
|Eduardo Escobar - SS||Tyler Austin - 1B|
|Logan Morrison - DH||Miguel Andujar - 3B|
|Robbie Grossman - RF||Austin Romine - C|
|Jason Castro - C||Gleyber Torres - 2B|
|Lance Lynn - RHP||Sonny Gray - RHP|
Have some curse breaking suggestions? Leave them in the comments below.