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Mariners starting pitcher James Paxton proved to be calmer than you are, and calmer than any of us, really.
Prior to Thursday’s home lid-lifter at Target Field, a giant gotdamn eagle landed on Paxton’s shoulder rather than return to its handler. The bald eagle is our national symbol (until such time as it’s correctly replaced by a slovenly man yelling at his TV while eating a corn dog), and has substantial talons and a razor-sharp beak.
THAT BIRD WILL STRAIGHT-UP WRECK YOUR SHIT, I’VE WATCHED NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SPECIALS.
Paxton, who is Canadian and maybe unaware of the danger he was in since it wasn’t a brown bear or the American healthcare system, shrugged off the bird’s advances rather than freaking entirely out.
Eagle at Twins opener attempts to abduct Mariners pitcher James Paxton pic.twitter.com/pzswZ7HPZu
— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) April 5, 2018
With the notable exception of a game-tying dinger he surrendered to Miguel Sano, Paxton was effective and seemingly unmoved by the eagle incident. Paxton released this statement after the game:
Postscript: Dessa, who sang the national anthem, called the eagle’s shot on Twitter. Seriously.
Gearing up for the @Twins home opener. And looking forward to being upstaged by an eagle. pic.twitter.com/RfZYaKb9UA
— Dessa (@dessadarling) April 5, 2018
The Twins and Mariners have the day off which is good because it sucks outside and god knows what the birds might have planned for an encore.