Mariners starting pitcher James Paxton proved to be calmer than you are, and calmer than any of us, really.
Prior to Thursday’s home lid-lifter at Target Field, a giant gotdamn eagle landed on Paxton’s shoulder rather than return to its handler. The bald eagle is our national symbol (until such time as it’s correctly replaced by a slovenly man yelling at his TV while eating a corn dog), and has substantial talons and a razor-sharp beak.
THAT BIRD WILL STRAIGHT-UP WRECK YOUR SHIT, I’VE WATCHED NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SPECIALS.
Paxton, who is Canadian and maybe unaware of the danger he was in since it wasn’t a brown bear or the American healthcare system, shrugged off the bird’s advances rather than freaking entirely out.
Eagle at Twins opener attempts to abduct Mariners pitcher James Paxton pic.twitter.com/pzswZ7HPZu— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) April 5, 2018
With the notable exception of a game-tying dinger he surrendered to Miguel Sano, Paxton was effective and seemingly unmoved by the eagle incident. Paxton released this statement after the game:
Postscript: Dessa, who sang the national anthem, called the eagle’s shot on Twitter. Seriously.
The Twins and Mariners have the day off which is good because it sucks outside and god knows what the birds might have planned for an encore.