Blue Jays 7, Twins 4: Free ugly baseball

Time has not been kind to the denizens of Twinkonia. The Lance of the North’s army had failed to conquer the fairy-tale land of Toronto; whilst the great plague of ouchie-foot decimated the barony of Buxton. Twinkonia needed a hero to bring order to chaos and return the land to its former glory.

Meanwhile deep in the mountains of Tibet, our hero Kyle Gibson meditated upon the highest peak. Feeling the effects of prolonged use of his magic balls, and still tired from his whatetever-dumb-shit-I-had-him-do-in-that-one-recap-a-year-a-go, he wished for nothing but tranquility.

Suddenly, as if forming from silence itself, a raven appeared at his side opened its razor-sharp beak and dropped a rainbow stone into Gibson’s open palm.

“My people need me.”

So yeah, Kyle Gibson started today hoping to get the Twins to do that thing with the winning. In the first, Joe Mauer decided to help the cause by smacking his first dinger of the season. Eddie Rosario would later double in Max Kepler (who walked) giving the Twins a promising 2 run lead to start the day.

Gibson shut the Jays out for a bit, but ran into some trouble in the 5th when former-Twin Kendrys Morales smashed a homerun to cut the lead in half. Luke Maile then singled. Gibson was looking shaky, but Eduardo Escobar made a nice play to get Aledmys Diaz out. Hoping to raise the morale of his pitcher, Esobar then gave a rousing speech. Unfortunately that speech was just seemingly random and unrelated Nic Cage movie quotes and Gibson was not emboldened. Justin Smoak would shortly thereafter single in the tying run.

Morales would repeat his performance the very next inning for his second dong, off of Twins reliever Ryan Pressly. How about no? Said various Eds, the Escobariest of the two doubled in a run and then scored himself when Ed Rosario homered to right.

In the 8th, Addison Reed walked the lead-off man and predictably that walk would haunt. Game tied. Blah blah blah, FREE BASEBALL.

John Curtiss, called up a day ago, came in for the 10th and seemed to forget that you had to throw the ball so the catcher could, y’know, catch it. All the runs scored, and I can no longer type through these tears.

The Twins are now 9 and 16. There are no heroes left in man.

STUDS:
Eddie Rosario: 2 for 4 with 3 RBI and a dinger.
Gregorio Petit(!?) who was also 2 for 4. Gregorio is a sweet name.

DUDS:
John Curtiss: Gave up 3 runs in .1 innings on 2 hits, 2 walks and a wild pitch.
My Ancestors: Settled in Minnesota instead of some state with a team that doesn’t suck.

ROBOT ROLL CALL!

Today’s Comment of the Day goes to everyone who isn’t Joel.