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What we talk about when we talk about Bobby Wilson

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There are a lot of ways to describe the new Twins catcher. Let’s do that.

Minnesota Twins v St Louis Cardinals
thicc
Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

When Jason Castro went down with what turned out to be a season-ending knee injury, there were a lot of questions.

OK, maybe not really. Most all were just variations on “Who in the sam hell is the backup backup catcher?”

As it turns out, we have an answer, and my gosh, is it a rowdy and rambunctious one.

Bobby Wilson, 35, has not only played just about everywhere, but my dude is, in internet parlance, an absolute unit. I mean, look:

St. Louis Cardinals v Minnesota Twins Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

What a proper lad. In the absence of Kennys Vargas, Wilson might be the only true big ol’ galoot on the team. If your heart ached for a new Matt LeCroy, but just a bit girthier? Bobby Wilson is it.

Now, some might want to analyze what a full year of a Wilson/Mitch Garver platoon behind the plate means for a team hoping to contend for the playoffs. As someone who grew up with Tom Nieto and Junior Ortiz on championship teams, I urge you not to worry so goddamn much about it and instead enjoy the list of words and phrases you can associate with Bobby Wilson:

  • Robust
  • Strapping
  • Rowdy
  • Rough-and-tumble
  • Barrel-chested
  • Stout
  • Unruly
  • Floridian
  • Boisterous
  • Rambunctious
  • Oooohweeee, he’s got a bit of the devil in him, tell you what
  • Spirited
  • Animated
  • Headstrong
  • Roughhousin’
  • Horseplay enjoyer
  • All riled up
  • (‘Bout to) throw down
  • Grapplin’
  • Wrasslin’
  • Wranglin’
  • Scrapper
  • Gettin’ in a scrap
  • Gettin’ in a scrape
  • Fulla piss ‘n vinegar
  • Burly
  • Beefy
  • Thick
  • Thicc
  • Thickset
  • Thick in the britches
  • Hefty
  • Stocky
  • Hearty
  • Restive
  • Intractable
  • Wayward
  • Defiant
  • Rugged
  • Broad-shouldered
  • Tussler
  • Gettin’ in a tussle
  • Donnybrook participant
  • Gettin’ heated
  • Gettin’ het up
  • (Big ol’) galoot
  • (Big ol’) lug
  • (Big ol’) so-and-so
  • Lummox
  • Ornery
  • What’ve you got
  • I ain’t scared
  • Got his blood up
  • Fixin’ to settle this right here, right now
  • Think you’re better ‘n me?
  • Dust-up adjacent
  • Big fella
  • Hrbek-ian
  • Kusick-ian
  • Luzinski-esque
  • Rob Deer-lookin’ MFer
  • Substantial
  • Tough guy
  • Ain’t nuthin’ for me to whup a man’s ass
  • I’ll lick any sumbitch in the house
  • Sheer cussedness
  • You ‘n me are gonna tangle

He’s the complete package, is what I’m saying. Let’s enjoy him while he’s here.