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Tigers 3, Twins 1: The offense has died

RIP Minnesota Twins offense, you will be missed.

MLB: Minnesota Twins at Detroit Tigers
Lance Lynn mourning the Twins offense.
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

I’m going to start with the good news: Lance Lynn had a pretty good start for the Twins today. The big ol’ righty cruised through his first 6.0 innings, holding the Tigers to three measly hits while striking out eight batters. It wasn’t until Lynn hit the 7th inning when he started to falter — first, by giving up a lead-off triple and subsequent Nike Goodrum sac-fly, then later giving up a two-run homer to JaCoby Jones.

Still, it was only three runs, something the Twins lineup should surely be able to overcome, especially given the poopiness of the Tigers bullpen... right?

Ha! Of course not, because Tigers starter Michael Fulmer lasted 7.0 innings, and apparently the Minnesota offense has died, or at the very least are using the same ass-bats they were using yesterday. They only mustered one measly run all game, which came in the 1st inning when (who else?) Eduardo Escobar knocked in Eddie Rosario with an RBI single.

Kids, this offense is cold right now. Like, back in April when it wouldn’t stop snowing in April cold. Like... poke with a stick to check if it’s alive cold.

Please leave your condolences in the comments.


  • Lance Lynn: 6.2 innings, three earned runs, 9 strikeouts, 1 walk.
  • Mitch Garver: 2-for-3, 1 double.
  • Eddie Rosario: He’s an ed, and score the only run.
  • Eduardo Escobar: Also an ed, and drove in the only run.


  • Brian Dozier: 0-for-4, hasn’t gotten a hit in a week.
  • Logan Morrison: 0-for-4, hitting struck out twice.
  • Jake Cave: 0-for-4