Health updates on all Twins players named Ed

The only thing that really matters in Twins Territory is the health of the players on the 25-man roster who go by the name Ed (or Eddie, or Eduardo). They’ve carried the offense for weeks, they’re the de facto clubhouse leaders, they’re the most likely candidates to represent the team in the All-Star Game, and as of Thursday afternoon, they’re both hurt. (Not coincidentally, the Ed-less Twins got flattened by the Red Sox.)

With the team sort of kind of looking better, it would be beneficial for both Eds to be hale and hearty for this weekend’s series against the Bartolo Colon-led Texas Rangers. Here’s the state of play:

• Eddie Rosario. Stroker of majestic dongs and maker of baffling if sometimes rewarding base running decisions, Rosario was a late scratch from Thursday’s lineup with shoulder soreness. The latest update, per LaVelle, is that it won’t result in a trip to the disabled list. Does that mean he plays this weekend against the Bartolo Colon-led Texas Rangers? Don’t know!
• Eduardo Escobar. The One Who Cares. The Light in the Darkness. Ed. Rick Porcello drilled him in the elbow in the first inning of Thursday’s game. In a move that made every Hockey Dad in the state light a cigarette and stare wistfully at a framed photo of a Broten brother, Ed tried to play through the pain before removing himself from the game in the third. Per Phil, it’s a bruise, not a fracture. Does that mean he plays this weekend against the Bartolo Colon-led Texas Rangers? Don’t know!

(For what it’s worth, Paul Molitor was a little agitated about the incident after the game.)

Phil Miller also reports that there was another minor setback for the suspended Jorge Polanco, but that does not fall under the purview of this columns titular purpose, so you’ll have to check the link.

If there are updates, we will update you. Until then, think happy thoughts about our Eds and dream of a world where the Minnesota Twins can win three series in a row and steadily creep up on division-leading Cleveland. Anyway, here’s Cheap Trick.