Twins 2, White Sox 1 (13): It’s against the rules for both teams to lose

Over the course of 13 innings, three runs scored: a 440-foot home run, a bases loaded walk, and another bases loaded walk. In between, the Chicago White Sox managed to go 0-for-4 on challenges, lose their DH because a player got thrown out for arguing an obviously correct call, and lose a player to injury by running into the guy who hit the home run; the Minnesota Twins weren’t as entertaining in their ineptitude, but they did load the bases more times than I’m going to count and went 0-for-9 with runners in scoring position.

Since it’s against the rules for both teams to lose, the Twins won, 2-1.

It initially appeared that Twins were going to be on the right side of a pitcher’s duel for a change on Thursday afternoon, with Jake Odorizzi besting Lucas Giolito.

Odorizzi hurled six strong innings against some players I’ve heard of and some players I haven’t, giving up three hits and striking out eight. His only rough patch came when he loaded the bases with two outs in the sixth. Facing Clerks director Kevan Smith, Odorizzi threw 14 pitches before finally getting the Hollywood mainstay to fly out to Taylor Motter and his glorious hair on pitch 112. Two outs earlier, Motter lay flat on his back after colliding with the wall on a Yoan Moncada double. He left the game after recording the out.

Logan Morrison rewarded Odorizzi’s endurance by destroying an innocent baseball in the seventh, his solo monster dong only the second hit of the game off Giolito. The Twins loaded the bases afterward and chased Giolito from the game, but failed to score. They also squandered a bases loaded opportunity in the first. The offense is bad, folks.

It mattered, too. Zach Duke pitched around a hit and wild pitch in the 7th, and Trevor Hildenberger suffocated the 8th. But Fernando Rodney, who had turned his season around after a disastrous April, faltered with a fierceness. After notching two quick outs, a bloop, an HBP, and a walk loaded the bases. Former Twins minor league legend Daniel Palka stepped into the box and PALKA’ed a 4-pitch walk to tie the game. Rodney escaped without further damage.

The cliche for extra innings is free baseball. There was nothing free about this. Not for anyone.

The Twins loaded the bases yet again in the 10th thanks to a weird play at first where Robbie Grossman and Jose Abreu both seemed to maybe miss the bag on a grounder but Grossman was awarded first. Brian Dozier struck out.

Innings 11 and 12 were not good for either team. Did they even happen? I’ll be honest, you might want to check the box score on this. They may have gone back to the clubhouse for pizza and Jeopardy and just let some kids run the bases for a spell.

In the 13th, facing former Twin Hector Santiago, Minnesota loaded the bases one more time, just to see what it felt like, and Max Kepler walked on a full count. Pinch-hitter Joe Mauer flew out to left to complete the day’s RISP unwellness.

The White Sox, of course, put a runner on base right away against Gary Busenitz (sorry, Alan isn’t as good of a name) in the bottom of the frame, but were unable to get him across, as Charlie Tilson’s weak grounder ended the game.

I don’t want to talk about this game anymore.

STUDS: Entropy

DUDS: Twins offense, Rodney, the entire Chicago White Sox franchise in perpetuity

ROBOT ROLL CALL:

See you tomorrow.