Bobby Wilson’s top five places to tussle

Bobby Wilson, the Twins’ veteran catcher, is a big ol’ cuss. The thicc Florida native sat down with Twinkie Town to talk about his five favorite places to scrap, tussle, and horse around.

1. The Backyard. “Best part about the backyard is that it’s your place, and you got a little privacy. John Law’s not gonna come poking around unless one of your boys gets into the loud fireworks. You can really get in a good scuffle, and if it rained out the night before, the ground’s got a little more give to it. Older you get the harder the dirt is, tell you what.”

2. The Driveway. “You remember Goodfellas when Henry Hill just starts whaling on those creeps who were harassing his girl? A good driveway tussle is kinda like that. Probably got a car you’re working on sitting there idle. Gravel driveway if you can help it. Radio’s on, ballgame or classic country like Waylon or somethin’. Nothing like a good driveway scrap. Man.”

3. The Parking Lot of a Chain Restaurant. “Sometimes you and your buddies gotta have a throwdown outside the P.F. Chang’s. Liquor don’t have to have anything to do with it, just a good place to grapple. You have space, but the other vehicles keep you penned in a bit. Blacktop keeps everyone honest, nobody wants to go to the ground unless there’s a damn good reason to. Lotta headlocks. Great headlock space.”

4. The Basement. “Backyard and driveway scrappin’ is a summer thing. When it gets cold out you gotta go somewhere and grapple. Main level scrappin’ is a one-way ticket to sleeping on the couch the rest of the month, but the basement, man that’s international waters. That’s where the furniture that’s already broken gets put. No one’s gonna miss the divan if Tommy gets suplexed into it.”

5. The Roadhouse. “Oh man, that’s the dream. Dance floor clears, beer bottles and peanut shells everywhere, beefin’ with your boys, sizing up the bouncer to see if he wants to go or if you should steer clear. Man.”