Aaron Slegers is, A: An obscenely tall man, and B: the pitcher that started for the Twins. He last 1.1 innings, which is approximately 7.2 innings less than ideal. The Royals only scored 1 in the first, a run which Brian Dozier promptly Dozier Donged into obscurity, tying the game at one.
Things proceeded into the darkest timeline, however, once the game turned the page to the second inning. Hunter Dozier (no relation) singled. Slegers got that .1 in 1.1 innings pitched by inducing a fly out. Alcides Escobar (also no relation) hit a single of his own. Adalberto Mondesi smashed a dinger to right, giving the Royals back the lead and then some. Real actual person Whit Merrifield doubled and then scored when Rossel Herrera singled. Goodbye Slegers! Taylor Rogers relieved his tall comrade and induced a double play, finally ending the painful 4-run inning.
What the fuck kind of a name is Whit Merrifield, really? His full first name is “Whitley.” Is this 1920’s Kentucky? Are we chatting about this game at the local speakeasy?
The Twins did get a run back in the 3rd with a nice Jake-Ed-Ed single-fest. The Royals scored again in the sixth, probably with some kind of hit. But who really cares? I know I don’t.
Addison Reed got the top of the ninth, and despite the score he apparently missed the memo that their wasn’t a lead so he didn’t need to ceremonially cough back up a bunch of runs. He did anyway, giving up a single, a triple and a homer in that order.
The Twinkies made a show of it in the ninth, for some brownie points. Jorge Polanco nabbed a one out single and trotted home when Max Kepler smashed a triple. Willians Astudillo popped out to bring up Robbie Grossman who singled Kepler in. Joe Mauer did not get a hit, game over.
Your Twins are now 40-49, but don’t fret! Cleveland lost too, so the “race” for the AL Central crown remains unchanged!
STUDS: What’s a stud?
DUDS: You can’t spell “Duds” without “Aaron Slegers pitched really poorly tonight.”
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