This post is part of an extremely irregular series. For previous posts see here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and holy cow you must be bored.

It's the Twins' fault, really.

As you may have noticed, this is the first Twins Statistical Overview post of the 2018 season, a season that is now halfway over. This may lead you to believe that I, your favorite purveyor of dumb statistics, is a shirker, given the fact that for nearly four months now, I have shirked. But really... it's not my fault. Among the many failures of the 2018 Twins is the fact that they have settled for a statistically boring variety of mediocrity. A great team has awesome stats that you can compare to the 1927 Yankees. A truly horrible team has awful stats that you can compare to the 1962 Mets. This team has stats that you can compare to the 1993 Brewers, a thoroughly unremarkable team who employed the empty husk of Tom Brunansky much like the 2018 Twins employ Logan Morrison.

But it is now the All-Star Break, and with that has come several days in which to truly Immerse Myself in the Numbers in order to produce Clickable Blog Content, continuing my ongoing effort to keep Twinkie Town the internet's number one site for Nick Punto jokes and baseball link dumps containing 90s video game music. I trust that Maija will spend the copious ad revenues wisely, perhaps on a tasteful memorial to the Uptown Arby's (NOTE: I realize that Maija probably does not receive direct shares in ad revenue, but my hope is that Grant Brisbee or someone will see the engagement on this post and take her to a celebratory dinner, where she can order a Beef 'n Cheddar and have it bronzed).

TL;DR: I was lazy and this team is frustrating but I went ahead anyway and looked up a bunch of Twins stats and some of them are funny and some are sad and some are kinda cool maybe so here they are.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Due to statistical constraints I was forced to replace Nick Punto with Denny Hocking in several comparisons. Series mainstays Bartolo Colon and the Cleveland Spiders remain present, however. All stats are from 2018 unless otherwise noted.

Twins Leader in OPS: Kyle Gibson (2.000)
Twins Leader in ERA: Fernando Rodney (3.12)
Twins Pitcher Most Likely to Be Called a "Bum" in April: Fernando Rodney

Players who have appeared in a game for the Twins and I had never heard of prior to Opening Day
Gregorio Petit
Jake Cave
Taylor Motter
David Hale
Tyler Kinley
Aaron Slegers
Matt Magill

Am I 100% convinced that all of those guys are real, even though I just saw their names on Baseball-Reference: No

Isolated Power
Joe Mauer: .091
Denny Hocking (career): .094

OPS
Byron Buxton: .393
Johan Santana (career): .421

Joe Mauer: .728
Ron Coomer (career): .734

Taylor Motter: .125
Jim Abbott (career): .190
Jim Abbott had only one hand: Yes

Logan Morrison: .654
Denny Hocking (career): .654

Jake Cave: .907
Kirby Puckett (1987): .900

ERA+
Lance Lynn: 81
Jake Odorizzi: 93
Bartolo Colon: 100

Times Hit by Pitch
Derek Dietrich: 15
2018 Minnesota Twins: 18

WHIP
Matt Belisle: 2.108
Dan Gladden (career): 1.500

ERA
2018 Minnesota Twins: 4.51
Dan Gladden (career): 4.50

Willians Astudillo: 45.00
Drew Butera: 54.00
Is this an argument against backup catchers pitching: No

Batting Average
2018 Minnesota Twins: .244
1899 Cleveland Spiders: .253
That's unfair! The high-strikeout environment in this era has led to historically low batting averages across baseball: Shut up

Strikeout Rate
Miguel Sano: 40.5%
National League Pitchers: 40.9%

Strikeout Rate (career)
Miguel Sano: 36.3%
Every position player in major league history with as many or more plate appearances as Miguel Sano: Less than 36.3%
Sano plate appearances before he passes Lefty Grove and I can remove "position" from the last stat: 104

Walk Rate
Willians Astudillo: 0%
Bartolo Colon (career): 0.3%

Stolen Bases
Current Twins active roster: 23
Starling Marte: 25

Intentional Walks
Jake Cave: 2
Ehire Adrianza: 2
Joe Mauer: 2
Brian Dozier: 1

Batting Average
Bobby Wilson: .177
Tom Kelly (career): .181

Strikeouts per 9 Innings
2018 Minnesota Twins: 8.94
Johan Santana (career): 8.83

Career OPS Through Age-24 Season
Byron Buxton: .672
Kirby Puckett: .655