Brewers 2, Twins 0: Baseball is boring

Would you believe me if I told you the difference in this game was Jake Odorizzi giving up a homerun? It’s true! Eric Thames took him deep with a runner on in the bottom of the 5th.

I know what you are thinking. “Well no way they loaded the bases with less than 2 outs and got absolutely nothing out of it. That would be so much unlike the Twins.”

Well even pigs with broken clocks strapped to them fly twice a day correctly. (That’s the saying, right?) In the first inning with one out and the bases loaded Max Kepler and Willians Astudillo pop/flied out respectively. Now you must be thinking “No way this sarcasm bit is going to keep continuing well after it stopped being funny.” and you would be correct, but only because I couldn’t find a third thing.

One nice thing about never having a lead is the bullpen can’t blow it. In fact, Ryan Pressley (one inning) and Gabriel Moya (two innings) backed up Odorizzi’s 5 innings perfectly. I know this is a radical idea, but I think if a team both pitched well and scored an actual amount of runs they might do okay.

The Twins never really had another threat, and eventually Corey Knebel struck out the side in the 9th to end the game. Most Twins fans were already focused on playing scrabble clones on facebook, and I doubt anyone really noticed the game had been on for the last few hours, much less just ended. The Twins are now a record that is worse than the record that they previously were. Knowing that is why I’m paid the big bucks.

On a positive note: I’m legit happy the brewers are doing well! Go the midwest in general!

STUDS: The Bullpen. LaTroy Hawkins for being the only bearable thing in the broadcast.

DUDS: The entire offense. The Twins had 2 hits and only one Jorge Polanco (a hit and reaching on a dropped third strike) and Eduardo Escobar (two walks) found themselves on base more than once. That’s probably sub-optimal.

Robot Roll Call!

On a personal note, I’m really happy 4 people cared enough about me talking about a DnD spell to rec it. However, Comment of the day goes to Blame Sexx Dragon Bot, whom you should only google if you want to have sex with dragons. No judgement, just a PSA.