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Twins trade Lance Lynn to Yankees for two minor leaguers

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This is a real thing that actually happened.

St. Louis Cardinals v Minnesota Twins
We’re all in shock too, Lance.
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

With tomorrow’s non-waiver trade deadline looming, I’ve been keeping a close eye on Twitter for any trade news. The Twins sold off Zach Duke earlier today, but I knew they weren’t done making moves. I was browsing my timeline when I came across this tweet from Jon Heyman:

Oh, okay. Good for the Yankees.

A little later, this Heyman tweeted popped up:

Now Heyman had my interest. My first thought was that Yankees fans better prepare themselves for The Experience (referring to Fernando Rodney, of course).

But then I saw this:

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lance Lynn. The Yankees have, in fact, traded two prospects to the Twins for LANCE LYNN.

What did the Yankees want with Lance Lynn? I have no idea. Pitching depth? Really, really long-ass games? A bunch of opponent home runs in that band box of a stadium they have there in the Bronx? I don’t know.

In return for Lynn, the Twins received first baseman Tyler Austin and 19-year-old pitching prospect Luis Rijo. Austin, 26, has spent some time in the majors, though he didn’t hit very well (think .223/.280/.471 over 34 games this year). Hey, we’ll take it though! That’s still better than what Logan Morrison is hitting this season.

As for Rijo, I don’t know much about him, except that he is really young and is not Lance Lynn.

Too his credit, Lance Lynn did have a (/checks stats)... 5.10 ERA over 102.1 innings this season? And a 1.632 WHIP? Holy cow, that’s even worse than I thought. I’m sure Lynn is a good person?

I got nothing here. Enjoy, Yankees fans.