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Twins 5, Tigers 3: Bases successfully balled

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Despite best efforts.

MLB: Minnesota Twins at Detroit Tigers Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

We’ve sailed past the ides of September and everyone in Minnesota seems to have forgotten that baseball is a thing. We’ve all stuck our various utensils into various folk (rude, btw) and proclaimed them done. Yet baseball marches on, and there are still games to be played.

Like this one between the 69 win Twins and the 61 win Tigers. Baseball!

Jake Odorizzi Jake Odoralmost pitched a no-hitter in his last appearance and he would would throw another gem (which seems rather wasteful, really) tonight. Besides an accidental check-swing single in the first by Tigers LF Christian Stewart, Odorizzi’s first 6 innings would be damn near perfect. His 7th, you ask? Well we’ll get to that in roughly one bad idea realized.

The Twins would open the scoring in the 6th, much like I would open a can of sour cream and onion Pringles. Let’s go to Tawny for the play by play analogy analysis.

Thanks Tawny.

After you purchase the can of Pringles at the store of your choosing, excitement starts to set in. You race back to your apartment (Jorge Polanco doubles) ready to devour the delicious potato(?!) chips. You pop off the top and eagerly thrust your hand towards the tube only for it to bounce harmlessly off that plastic seal thing. (Logan Forsythe grounds out. Polanco to 3rd.) You were too eager. That seal was always there! You knew that! It has to be for the freshness! You calm your mind and take it easy, slowly pealing it off. (Robbie Grossman walks) The aroma of sour cream and/or onion reaches your nostrils and you can hardly contain your excitement. Cautiously you reach your hand inside, scared of making further mistakes.

Yes!

You’ve made contact with the first chip. You grasp it and pull it out, shoveling it into your disgusting maw with absolutely no shame. (Tyler Austin singles, Polanco scores.) You hastily grab another and repeat. (Jake Cave singles. Robbie scores.) It tastes good, but suddenly you feel regret welling up in the deepest depths of your mortal soul.

Did you purchase the wrong flavor? (Mound visit.) The pizza ones. What about the pizza ones?! You race to the store to buy the pizza ones, hastily spilling the old ones upon the floor instantly attracting a bevy of ants. (Pitching change, Drew VerHagen replaces Daniel Norris.) You open the pizza ones. Oh no, this has been a huge mistake. (Miguel Sano strikes out swinging.) These taste like cardboard that was rubbed angrily against someone vaguely Italian. (Johnny Field ops out.) You stare longingly as the ants consume what was once yours. (Fade to commercial.)

So I hope that explains it. Chris Gimenez lead off the 7th with a solo dong, and two more runs would be tacked when Tyler Austin later doubled in Joe Mauer and Polanco.

In the bottom of the 7th, the dreaded third time through the order penalty (third time through the Odor penalty ayuk-yuk) caught up with Odorizzi. Two singles (with a popout sandwiched between them) followed by Mikie Mahtook’s triple would knock two runs in and Odorizzi out of the game. Matt Magill came in and struck out the next two batters. Magill would also go on to pitch a scoreless 8th.

The Tigers mounted a threat in the 9th with Trevor Hildenberger pitching. Mahtook would get another RBI and the tying run would come to the plate, causing me to start coming up with funny titles about the Twinstanic and the Hildenberg.

Got out of it though, Twins win!

Studs: Anyone who put up with reading this recap. Odorizzi, Magill, Austin.

Duds: NAY TO DUDS, TWINS HATH CLAIMED VICTORY!

Rob Rol Cal

BYE