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Monday Morning Minnesota: There should be a subtitle here

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and I guess technically there is?

Minnesota Twins Introduce Rocco Baldelli Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

Hope you all had a good weekend! Even you Jeff. Here are words you can click for more words! Journalism!

  • LEN3 thinks the Twins will sign another pitcher, and I can prove it!

This is backed up by Derek Falvey’s comments reported by Betsy Helfand of the Pioneer Press in which he says it might be a non-roster invitee or maybe a real actual pitcher.

  • One of the dudes on the Twins short list appears to be ex-Oriole Brad Brach.

At some point I’ll call him “Brad Bracholli” or ‘Johan Sebastian Brach” or “Brad Brach sends out Onyx” and get maybe 7 likes on Twitter causing my parents to finally stop pretending to not know me when I run into them in public. So I’m pro Brach. (He’s also a pretty decent reliever.)

  • The Twins signed throw-guy Martin Perez to a one year deal, a pitcher I can assure is real and not made up. In fact he’s so real that the Beyond the Box Score piece I just linked says Perez has “not had a good career to date.” So start stashing away money for that commemorative 2019 WS Champs toaster or whatever.
  • Here’s a Souhan article about new Twins manager Rocco Baldelli. I don’t know if it is good because I’ve ran out of free articles to view, so you tell me. Sorry Star Tribune, I know you printed my dumb Twitterings in the margins once, but that 99 cents a month goes towards my Sour Patch Kids fund.
  • Mostly I just wanted to remind you all of how cosmically delightful it is that Rocco Baldelli is actually bald.

Today’s soundtrack is from the very underrated Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility, a game that will always be my pathetic alternative to actually putting work into an actual relationship with actual humans.

Why can’t I just run up to a guy every morning for a year and silently give him a fish and then we’re soulmates?