This afternoon, you’ll likely sit down at a long table with your extended family to argue about politics, disappoint older relatives with your life choices, and reconcile those two depressing scenarios with copious amounts of food. A few hours later, you’ll fall into a tryptophan sleep-coma in front of the Bears/Lions football game (not that tryptophan would be needed for that this year).
This fever-dream of a baseball/Thanksgiving mashup comes from all those half-conscious slumbers of years gone by; that “place between sleep and awake...where you still remember dreaming”, according to Tink.
So undo that top button, get comfy, and slip into a dream world where your Minnesota Twins morph into the current contents of your digestive tract...
Turkey (Byron Buxton): The main attraction everyone is at the table for. The meal can’t truly be great unless this is present and at full strength.
Ham (Eddie Rosario): Possesses similar traits as the primary turkey entrée, but slightly less effective and more unpredictable.
Stuffing (Max Kepler): Made of the same basic materials as the turkey, just not quite as robust. Can easily take the place of said turkey in small doses, if necessary.
Mashed Potatoes (Jorge Polanco): The most steady, reliable side dish. Always will find a way onto your plate with each serving. A cornerstone of the meal.
Cranberry Sauce (Kyle Gibson): When it’s good (homemade), it’s really good. When it’s bad (from a can), you won’t touch it with a ten-foot pole.
Gravy (Marwin Gonzalez): Covers the faults of any other dish on the menu. Just slather it over anything and everything and the problem will most likely be solved.
Green Been Casserole (Jason Castro): The item getting the most “no thanks” reactions. It isn’t outright horrible, but no one wants to waste time on it knowing that much better offerings are right around the corner.
Corn (C.J. Cron): In the wake of all other tasty morsels, the simple dish of corn is often overlooked. A steady, calming presence where you think “oh yeah…this is pretty good too” before immediately forgetting about it once again.
Dinner Rolls (Taylor Rogers): Clean up any and all messes and often signal the successful conclusion of the meal.
Glass of Milk (Joe Mauer): If you need this on explained to you, are you even a Twins fan?!
Pecan Pie (Miguel Sano): Great when heated up, but an absolute abomination when cold.
Apple Pie (Jose Berrios): The front-runner of the dessert tray. Halfway through the slice it’s heaven, but by the time it is gone you’re thinking “perhaps this isn’t the bee’s knees after all”.
Pumpkin Pie (Ehire Adrianza): The last pie chosen. Yet, when the front-running tins are empty, you’ll be damn thankful this is around.
Leftovers (Nelson Cruz): No matter how old any of the above items get, they’ll still perform admirably when heated up.