Monday Morning Minnesota: How do I come up with good subtitles edition

• We continue to grade players 2019 seasons with Matt grading Ryne Harper, and Cooper doing the same for Taylor Rogers. I think we’re doing it all wrong though, because I explicitly remember my mom telling me “Don’t worry, Sweetie. D- is actually the best grade you can get!”
• Zach, a 150 year old alchemist, reminisces about the Black Sox Scandal. Do you think like 75 years from now they’ll make a movie about the Astros beating the shit out of a poor trash can?
• The Twins do not exist alone in the AL Central, luckily Joseph has a nice recap of what those other teams we don’t like have been up to.
• Still looking for impact pitching, The Twins signed..... Caleb Thielbar. Problem solved. I know pretending low-key and minor league signings are somehow bad is a lazy and played out joke, but it is 6 AM and I don’t have nearly enough caffeine in my bloodstream to make GOOD jokes.

Elsewhere in Twins Territory:

• Nick Nelson of Twins Daily said what we’ve all been thinking. No one actually wants to play in Minnesota. We’re cold and passive aggressive and one can only stand to hear about that one time it snowed a lot on Halloween so many times before it gets old.
• The Twins did NOT sign Madison Bumgarner, due in part to the team not wanting to offer a 5th year. I wasn’t high on him, but I did really want an excuse to make Bum puns all the time.

• The Twins are also still in on the last real Free Agent SP target, Hyun-Jin Ryu. Perhaps desperation will make them wildly outbid their competition, or perhaps the team will be content with exploring the trade market.
• The team is also making a push for third baseman Josh Donaldson, a name who would look mighty good sandwiched in a potent Twins lineup. Another thing that would look good as a sandwich? A literal sandwich. What? I have to be to leave for work in 9 minutes.
• Meanwhile Eddie Rosario’s name continues to be on the lips of many within the trade market. If Eddie Rosario leaves, I’ll have to write the most depressing piece of all time. Zero Eds.
• The Twins also discussed a deal involving Jake Cave with the Marlins.

Around the World in Bases and Balls:

• Former face of the Orioles franchise, Adam Jones now plays in Japan. I’m desperate to finish this piece, but this is actually an interesting piece.
• Look, I dunno. Here’s the entry for “baseball” on wikipedia. Learn something.
• For more try this new website www.google.com, you will find what you are looking for and only be partially irreparably stained by evil.

Today’s soundtrack is 51 minutes of night-time sleepy music from Animal Crossing, because It is what I already have up because I use it for noise when I sleep!