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Willians Astudillo cut his hair

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Everybody calm down, because the magic didn’t even come from the hair in the first place.

MLB: Chicago White Sox at Minnesota Twins
I will remember yoouuuu...
Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports

Saturday was a big day for Twins Territory, as our anointed holy son arrived at spring training camp in Ft. Myers, Florida. Of course, I’m talking about one of the best catchers and overall baseball athletes of all time, Joe Mauer Willians Astudillo.

Oh, and he cut his hair.

Now before you unnecessarily FREAK OUT, take a deep breath and appreciate Willians Astudillo’s kasota gold tips. See? You can take the extra hair out of the Willians Astudillo, but you can never take the Willians Astudillo out of the Willians Astudillo.

I mean, you hardly even notice the missing hair when you look at the bigger picture here:

Frankly, the hair wasn’t even the first, second, or third biggest thing that comes to mind when I think about Willians Astudillo. Hell, probably wasn’t even the 15th thing I thought about. Astudillo is just a special sausage link wrapped in a chocolate chip pancake and fried in avocado oil. He’s the living version of an egg with two yolks. He has the persona of a can of SPAM. No, I didn’t skip breakfast today, why do you ask?

If you don’t understand the Astudillo hype, let me break it up to you with a little list of the things I do first think of when I think of Willians Astudillo:

  1. He’s a professional athlete built like a well-fed fire hydrant.
  2. The Twins once played Astudillo in center field.
  3. Astudillo hit this home run from his knee in the Venezuelan Winter League this offseason, and then proceeded to break about every single so-called “unwritten rule” in baseball. I wrote an entire post about this feat (which includes video).
  4. When beat writers asked Astudillo about the above-mentioned home run today in Ft. Myers, he said people have brought it up to him every day since it happened.
  5. I’ve probably thought about that home run every day since it happened.
  6. My useless iphone still tries to correct his name to “Williams”.
  7. Over 55 games in the Venezuelan Winter League, Astudillo hit eight home runs. He only struck out four times.
  8. Heck, over his 97 major league plate appearances, Astudillo has only struck out three times.
  9. Willians doesn’t walk much either. He walked only twice in his 97 major league plate appearances.
  10. Frankly, Willians is an extreme outlier when it comes to his plate outcomes, as he nearly always puts the ball in play. It’s on a freakish level. Trust me, it’s hard for people to not notice.
  11. Last year in Triple-A Rochester he pulled off the hidden ball trick against Doug Mientkiewicz’s Toldeo Mudhens.
  12. Remember when he hit that walk off home run at Target Field?
  13. Or when he made that amazing no-look pick-off throw last spring training?
  14. Uhhh... okay, maybe 14 would be the hair.

So I rest my case. Willians Astudillo doesn’t need the hair to be interesting. We’re not talking about Clint Frazier or something here. Everything about Astudillo is special and amazing, just like everything about all of you. We’re all special snowflakes who should be cherished. Maybe.

Anyway, I suggest avoiding existential thoughts about your own self worth just watch this video of Willians Astudillo taking batting practice Saturday instead:

What a dreamboat.

Poll

How do you feel about Willians Astudillo’s new haircut?

This poll is closed

  • 12%
    This is terrible.
    (40 votes)
  • 53%
    The frosted tips really pull it together.
    (179 votes)
  • 34%
    I honestly barely noticed.
    (114 votes)
333 votes total Vote Now