The real reasons for the retirement of Dean Anna

SCENE: DEAN ANNA sits at a desk in a dark room of his home. A desk lamp – one of those that has the neat chain to turn it on/off and green glass shade, you know the one – is already on and he has a highball with a decent amount of High West Double Rye! whiskey in it sitting on the desk. He opens a drawer, pulls out a sheet of parchment, and sets it on the desktop. He takes a deep breath and proceeds to pick up a quill and dip the end into the inkwell. He proceeds to write:

Dear Minnesota Twins,

I regret to inform you that after much contemplation that I must end my current career and retire from baseball. I have come to determine that playing in 13 major-league games and hitting one home run is a sufficient-enough career for me, and so I have decided to call it quits.

Additionally, I believe with Pat Dean also being on the team, it could cause confusion amongst the fans. Dean is a pretty common name, like Mike, Josh, and Jose.

I hope you understand my decision and hold no ill will towards me. I looked forward to playing for your organization, but my time in baseball has come to an end.

Sincerely,

Dean Anna

ANNA puts down the quill and finishes his whiskey. He blows on the paper to make sure the ink has dried and looks to a corner of the room. PAT DEAN is looking out the window while smoking a Lucky Strike. ANNA passes the paper to him.

ANNA: How’s this, Pat?

DEAN takes the paper and reads it carefully. He nods in approval and passes it back to ANNA.

DEAN: I hope you understand that there can only be one person on the team with the name “Dean”, Dean. I appreciate you doing this. DEAN places his hand on ANNA’S shoulder.

ANNA: I don’t understand, but … you’re welcome, I guess.

---

SCENE: DEREK FALVEY and THAD LEVINE are in an office at the at the CenturyLink Sports Complex in Lee County, Fla. FALVEY picks up a letter from the desk that arrived that day. He opens the envelope and reads the letter.

FALVEY: Who is Dean Anna?

LEVINE: (shrugs) Beats me.

DEAN stands outside the doorway of the office out of sight, nodding his head. He walks away.

FALVEY: And who’s Pat Dean?