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Minnesota Twins spoonerism rankings, 2019

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Its friday, so let’s talk about something silly.

MLB: Chicago White Sox at Minnesota Twins Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports

Back in 2016, I ranked the Twins roster based on their spoonerisms. I did not do this each of the past two seasons, but I am going to do it this year because I believe that Twinkie Town has been severely lacking spoonerism-based coverage over the past couple years.

Merriam-Webster defines a spoonerism as when someone “switches the first letters or syllables of two words for humorous purposes.” I am all about doing things for humorous purposes. Let’s do this. Keep in mind that I’m using the Spring Training roster, but specifically most of these players will likely be on the major league roster.

25. Cr.J. Con (C.J. Cron)

This one just makes me mad. How do you even pronounce this? “Cruh-Jay Cone?” We’ll go with that. When people have their first and middle initials as their first name, that makes it really hard to spoonerize their names. Moving on!

24. Raddison Eed (Addison Reed)

Same thing applies for people with first names that start with the letter A, in most cases. If you just switch the first two letters here, it’s “Rddison Aeed”. Doesn’t really look that good! If you switch the first syllables, it’s still bad, but considerably less bad.

23. Buron Byxton (Byron Buxton)

Byron Buxton is one of my favorite players. He’s very fast, can make very athletic plays in the outfield, and he’s just an all around good guy! However, he has a bad spoonerism, and we are here to rank spoonerisms. The problem with Buxton’s spoonerism is that his first and last initials are the same letter, so we don’t really have a lot to work with here. I do give this one some points, because Byron has a son named Brixton. If we go based off of this spoonerism, his name would be Brixton Byxton, and that’s real funny because it rhymes.

22. Madalberto Ejia (Adalberto Mejia)

Adalberto Mejia, like Addison Reed, has a first name that starts with the letter A. Again, pretty difficult to spoonerize. I rank this one higher, though, because “Madalberto” is really funny. Mostly because it sounds like a dumb pun someone would tweet if he gave up a home run. I can see it now: “I bet that made him pretty Madalberto.” Feel free to use this when the season gets underway!

21. Awillians Studillo (Willians Astudillo)

This isn’t a great one. That being said, “Studillo” is pretty awesome because it starts with “stud”, which is exactly what Willians Astudillo is. The first name prevents this one from being higher up on the list.

20. Ahire Edrianza (Ehire Adrianza)

This one doesn’t actually sound that much different than the real name. If Ehire Adrianza woke up one day and decided he wanted to switch his first and last initials, it would not exactly make too much of a difference as far as pronunciation is concerned. “Edrianza” technically would mean we have multiple Eds, though. We’ve been severely lacking in the Ed department since last summer.

19. Magt Matill (Matt Magill)

Similar to Byron Buxton, Matt Magill’s first and last names start with the same letter, so this one is hard. I also don’t know how to pronounce “Magt.” Maybe the “g” is silent and it’s just “Matt”? I wasn’t really sure where to rank this one.

18. Raylor Togers (Taylor Rogers)

“Raylor Togers” sounds like the name of some character in a British TV show. Seriously, try saying it in the most exaggerated British accent that you can. It’s uncanny.

17. Gitch Marver (Mitch Garver)

Now try saying this one in the most exaggerated Southern accent that you can.

16. Ake Jodorizzi (Jake Odorizzi)

Another one that I didn’t know where to rank. “Ake” sounds like “ache”, and that’s pretty funny, I guess.

15. Cason Jastro (Jason Castro)

My dad had this running joke when Jason Castro played for Houston. He would call him “Castro the Astro”. In fact, he STILL calls him “Castro the Astro” despite Castro now being a Twin. “Jastro the Astro” is pretty good, too.

14. Bose Jerrios (Jose Berrios)

In my original spoonerism rankings, I said that “Bose Jerrios” sounds like the name of a headphone model because of the first name literally being “Bose.” There’s a free name for your next noise canceling headphones, Bose. If people ask what “Jerrios” means, say “nothing at all.”

13. Kax Mepler (Max Kepler)

I don’t know why, but I am unable to keep a straight face saying this out loud. I don’t really have a lot to say about this, though.

12. Siguel Mano (Miguel Sano)

I like this because “mano” is Spanish for “hand”. Kinda cool when spoonerisms produce actual words and not just nonsense.

11. Schonathan Joop (Jonathan Schoop)

Pronounced “jope”.

10. Porge Jolanco (Jorge Polanco)

Another one that I really don’t have much to say about, but really like. It’s a very clean spoonerism!

9. Dyler Tuffey (Tyler Duffey)

This one’s pretty cool because it includes the word “tough” in it. Pretty good spoonerism for a professional athlete to have.

8. Crelson Nuz (Nelson Cruz)

Another one that’s pronounced like an actual word, “news.” I’m really fond of these ones.

7. Gyle Kibson (Kyle Gibson)

I’m not exactly sure what it is about people with a K as one of their initials, but they often end up with some really funny spoonerisms.

6. Reddie Osario (Eddie Rosario)

I like this one quite a bit, because “Reddie” sounds like “ready.” The Twins could honestly use this as an ad campaign. “Eddie is Reddie to hit some dingers!” I really hope someone who does marketing for the Twins reads this.

5. Tonald Rorreyes (Ronald Torreyes)

This is a very good one. I wouldn’t really be able to give you a reason, but for some reason reading “Tonald Rorreyes” out loud is absolutely hysterical. Try it.

4. Mevor Tray (Trevor May)

I don’t know exactly what “Mevor Tray” reminds me of, but solely because of the last name, I can’t help but think that it’s a company that makes different types of trays.

3. Hevor Trildenberger (Trevor Hildenberger)

The Twins’ two Trevors go back to back. Maybe being named Trevor means you automatically have a good spoonerism? If you didn’t know this, the word “trill” is a slang term that’s a portmanteau of “true” and “real.” “Trilldenberger” is probably Trevor Hildenberger’s rapper name. If he doesn’t already have a rapper name, I have just given him one.

2. Cake Jave (Jake Cave)

This one is really funny, and would probably be number one if it wasn’t for the next player. Cake Jave, the Jave for Cakes?

1. Dat Pean (Pat Dean)

I actually got the inspiration to bring the spoonerism rankings back when I learned that the Twins had signed Pat Dean again. I was ecstatic, solely because of his spoonerism. “Dat Pean” is very funny to me because I am immature. There was no way this one wasn’t going to be #1. I don’t know how it can possibly be topped.