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Ghosts of August trades past, rated on the candy index

Say goodbye to August trades, and hello to the best trade grading system ever

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Last Weeks Of Summer Embraced At New York’s Coney Island Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images

It is being reported that the MLB will be adopting a single hard trade deadline of July 31st. This is part of a wider package of changes aimed to help foster labor peace. Previously, teams could still trade players in August by first passing them through waivers unclaimed, or by making a deal with a team that claimed them.

According to Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic who broke the news, this is being done to:

protect the competitive integrity of the 162-game regular season, create more certainty for players and force teams to decide earlier whether they are buyers or sellers.

To me that sounds like a whole lot of noise loudly pouring out of a mouth. Like imagine if you walked up to a person and opened your mouth to talk and instead of words the AOL dial-up noise came out. Just by feel not a whole lot of importance happens past the non-waiver deadline anyway, but their must be SOME reason the MLBPA wants this. Let’s take a look at the last few years of Minnesota Twins August trades to see what we might be missing out on in the future! Like all normal rankings, I will be grading each trade using a candy based rating system.

August 30th, 2018: Traded Bobby Wilson to the Cubs for Chris Gimenez

As much as I personally adored getting relief ace Chris G. back in the fold for the end of the season, this was actually just an aging back-up catcher swap and something of a lateral movement.

Sweet-o-Meter equivalent: Trading a pack of Skittles for a pack of Tropical Skittles.

August 9th, 2018: Traded Fernando Rodney to Oakland for Dakota Chalmers

Watching the 9th inning certainly got less interesting with the departure of Rodney, but this is still a typical seller’s deal. As for Chalmers, well I’m not the person to ask about minor leaguers, but prospect guru John Sickels doesn’t have him in the Twins top 20, or in the big list of C rank prospects. Still he’s young and can throw baseballs so you never know!

Sweet-o-Meter equivalent: Trading a packet of Gushers for a piece of salt-water taffy from your upper middle class white friend’s new startup “Taffantasia.”

August 1st, 2016: Traded Fernando Abad to Boston for Pat Light

The loss of Abad puns was a brutal hit for the Twins “journalism” community, but Pat Light would go on to be a minor meme of his own by combining with Pat Dean to form “The Pats” a horrible and bad alternative to “The Eds.” Not the best trade.

Sweet-o-Meter equivalent: Traded your Kit-Kat bar for a single gummy worm someone found discarded in your local Wal-Mart’s Lawn and Garden department.

August 1st, 2016: Traded Alex Meyer and Ricky Nolasco to the Angels for Allen Busenitz and Hector Santiago.

Oh boy, this trade! Managing to get currently living bodies in return for Ricky Nolasco was the deal of the century. Nolasco and Santiago were both change of scenery type trades who had middling results with their new teams, while Meyer and Busenitz never amounted to much. While ultimately it didn’t mean much to anyone, I really liked this deal.

Sweet-o-Meter equivalent: A bag of Starbursts and a Vanilla Charleston Chew, for a pre-unwrapped bag of Starbursts and a Strawberry Charleston Chew!

August 21st, 2015: Traded PtbNL or Cash to the Brewers for Neal Cotts

What? Who? Huh?

Sweet-o-Meter equivalent: Traded some monopoly money to someone in return for a single Tic-Tac.

August 11th, 2014: Traded Josh Willingham to the Royals for Jason Adam

Raise your hand if you remember Jason Adam. Anyone who raised their hand, no, put them down. No one knows who Jason Adam is. The ghosts in your computer don’t even know who Jason Adam is.

Willingham was nearing the end of his career, so maybe he was traded to a slightly more competitive team to give him a shot at a ring. Literally nothing came of Adam who never played a game for the Twins, was let go at the end of the year and is now a Royal again.

Sweet-o-Meter equivalent: Traded the last few Tootsie Fruit Chews for an invisible chocolate bar that is very real and good, we swear.

August 9th, 2014: Traded Kevin Correia to the Dodgers for PtbNL or Cash

Not much to say about this, but it probably made myjah sad. May Kevin always be with us spirit.

Sweet-o-Meter equivalent: Traded an edible picture of Kevin Correia for 6 dollars.

In conclusion: a whole bunch of sweet and gummy shrugs. Please send me money for candy.


Best August Trade

This poll is closed

  • 17%
    Wilson for Gimenez
    (33 votes)
  • 10%
    Rodney for Chalmers
    (20 votes)
  • 2%
    Abad for Light
    (5 votes)
  • 48%
    Meyer, Nolasco for Busenitz, Santiago
    (90 votes)
  • 3%
    (7 votes)
  • 3%
    Willingham for Whoever-the-crap
    (7 votes)
  • 12%
    Correia for Cash (but not Johnny Cash)
    (23 votes)
185 votes total Vote Now