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Rejected Twins-based drink ideas

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While the La Tortuga is a great idea, these are... not

Seattle Mariners v Chicago White Sox Photo by David Banks/Getty Images

The Twins and Delaware North announced the creation of the “La Tortuga” cocktail yesterday.

While this is a great promotion, we here at Twinkie Town have gotten our hands on an exclusive list of rejected beverage ideas. Special thanks to Steve from marketing our anonymous source, who was well paid in internet monies.

The Lance Lynn: A warm beer that sat out overnight. It tasted great once upon a time, but that was way before you got it.

The Marwin Gonzalez: A little bit of everything behind the bar. Has a lousy start, but you’ll love it anyway

The Byron Buxton: Red bull and Vodka. Keeps your energy high, but you’ll be running into walls

The Martin Perez: Tequila shooters. You talk yourself into thinking it’s a good idea, but it just ruins your night.

The Andrew Vasquez: A glass of water. You know you’ll be able to walk

The Nelson Cruz: an ice cold beer. It’s familiar, comforting, and baseball just wouldn’t be the same without it.

The Max Kepler: A double shot of Jagermeister, straight up. It’s tall, smooth, German, and will kick your butt if you’re not careful

The Kyle Gibson: a 50-50 chance it’s either Pappy Van Winkle or straight vinegar, and you never know which you’ll get

The Jason Castro: Your usual, go to that you keep going back to, even though you might try out flashy, newer drinks with things like OPS and fancy liquors

The Jose Berrios: a shot of MaKers MarK for every strikeout

The Joe Mauer: A large glass of 2% milk

The Gardy: two-for-the-price-of-one PBR tallboys

The Nick Punto: A shot of well whiskey with some diamond dirt in the bottom. It’s tough, gritty, and gets the job done.

The Rocco: Some kind of hoity-toity new-fangled thing that the youths are into.

The Dick Bremer: Champagne, drank with the left hand.