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Willians Astudillo and the BMI All-Stars

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In Honor of our Favorite Spark Plug

Photo by Michael Owens/Getty Images

What do we value in our heroes? Brilliance of intellect, bravery in battle, defiance of the odds, and accomplishment of the impossible are all traits that define many of these extraordinary people. However, let’s try this one on for size: “I’m in better shape than him!”

Willians Astudillo is the latest in a long line of MLB players that have inspired the everyman to exclaim this from his couch. Some may use this fact to discount baseball as a sport, or to talk badly of the player. On the contrary, I think it makes the player all the more admirable. How many of us can relate to guys like Aaron Judge, Bryce Harper, and Nick Punto- guys that won the genetic lottery and mash dingers as a result? Astudillo, and players like him, have long made the MLB a sport with heroes we can relate to, and have inspired countless kids who will never be 6’5” and chiseled from stone to reach for their dream playing the sport they love.

Catcher

Jose Molina BMI: 33.9

Ht: 6’0” Wt: 250 lbs

Years Active: 1999-2014

Career WAR: 3.2

Coming in with a robust 33.9 BMI, we have the pudgiest of the Molina brothers. Jose earned 2 World Series rings during his career, and was reputed to be a stellar pitch framer a master of handling pitchers. He only amassed a career WAR of 3.2, which is so slim it is impressive he hung around for such a lengthy career.

1B

Prince Fielder BMI: 38.4

Ht: 5’11” Wt: 275 lbs

Years Active: 2005-2016

Career WAR: 23.6

The younger Fielder was a considerable presence at the plate, providing a plate presence in the meat of the batting order for some pretty good Brewers teams for the majority of his career. The fresh Prince was also deceptively quick, as Twins fans can attest to- he once motored around the bases for an inside-the-park home run against our hometown team.

2B

Ronnie Belliard BMI: 31.0

Ht: 5’9” Wt: 210 lbs

Years active: 1998-2010

Career WAR: 20.8

Second base was particularly lean on big talent, as this is the smallest BMI on our list today. However, 31.0 is nothing to sneeze at, and Ronnie Belliard’s 20.8 WAR over 12 years ain’t bad, either. The journeyman from the Bronx managed a .273 batting average over the course of his career, and has one World Series title to his name.

3B

Pablo Sandoval BMI: 37.4

Ht: 5’11” Wt: 268

Years Active: 2008-Present

Career WAR- 18.7

The Kung Fu Panda, as he is affectionately known, provided a booming bat and tidy defense at the hot corner to some championship-level San Fran Giants teams early in his career. The sizable slugger and his fans have embraced his size throughout his career, and he has produced results to match- he has three World Series rings and one World Series MVP trophy on his mantle. Maybe someday Miguel Sano unthrones him.

SS

Juan Uribe BMI: 33.2

Ht: 6’0” Wt: 245 lbs

Years Active: 2001-2016

Career WAR: 23.8

Shortstops, like their double play counterparts, tend to be malnourished young fellows. Juan Uribe was a shortstop who wasn’t afraid to eat some Campbell’s Chunky Soup every now and then. The journeyman hefted a heavy bat at the shortstop position before it was cool, breaking 20 home runs in a few seasons. He played a key role in the 2005 White Sox World Series Championship, and gained one more ring as a member of the Giants.

LF

Dmitri Young BMI: 37.9

Ht: 6’2” Wt: 295 lbs

Years Active: 1996-2008

Career War: 12.2

Teetering close to 300 pounds, here is a true Absolute Unit. Known better as Delmon Young’s older brother, this hulking slugger spent most of his time in the National League. He was a two-time All-Star, defying all odds to become the more successful Young brother.

CF

Willians Astudillo BMI: 33.2

Ht: 5’9” Wt: 225 lbs

Years Active: 2018-Present

Career War: 1.0

Manning centerfield, we have the Kaiser of Contact, the first of his name, Breaker of Walks, Spurner of Strikeouts, the Prince of Plump, Willians Astudillo. La Tortuga has quite possibly the best bat-to-ball skills in the major league. He couldn’t care less about OBP- he wants to have fun, and hitting the ball is fun. All Hail Willians... and yes, he did play in center.

RF

Adam Dunn BMI: 32.9

Ht: 6’6” Wt: 285 lbs

Years Active: 2001-2014

Career WAR: 17.4

The anti-Willians. Adam Dunn was one of the first players who embodied the 3 True Outcomes. He was either hitting a dinger, walking, or striking out. The 6’6” slugger was relegated to DH’ing in the latter half of his career, but played some outfield in his younger days. The “Big Donkey” was a two-time All-Star.

Starting Pitcher

Bartolo Colon BMI: 39.7

Ht: 5’11” Wt: 285 lbs

Years Active: 1997-2018

Career WAR: 46.1

You didn’t think you’d make it through this article without hearing from Big Sexy, did you? It is only fitting that a man who cracked age 40 in his playing days nearly cracked 40 on the BMI scale as well. Far and away the chonk-iest on our list, big Bartolo was also the most productive of our players. Despite having the highest BMI on our list, he was the only player on the list who produced a higher WAR than BMI.

Remember any other players who carried their weight at the plate or in the field? Discuss below!