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La Tortuga to the IL...we’re in the end game now.

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There is only a 0.00000007% chance the Twins fan base recovers.

The worst outcome imaginable happened in Saturday’s Twins game. As Willians Astudillo chugged home on a sacrifice fly, he hurt his left hamstring and has been placed on the injured list. Disaster has officially set in around Twins territory...

Half of all Twins fans have suddenly disappeared, leaving the fan base in despair and confusion. “Were they really only fans of Astudillo? Don’t they know we signed Nelson Cruz?” Said manager Rocco Baldelli. “Everyone is in complete shock” is what Cruz has to say about the matter. “What do we do now? Everything we know and love is gone.” Said Twins second baseman Jonathan Schoop.

Emergency lines are flooded with calls, riots have begun in the streets and people are officially realizing something horrible has happened. How can this fan base possibly go ten days without its hero?

The scientific community has no rational explanation for how Astudillo somehow got hurt. They wonder how something of such magnitude, completely destroying the laws of physics, occurred without warning or evidence.

According to scientific projections, as the days slowly pass by, people realize they can’t handle it any longer and something horrible will set in around day five...panic. Society quite simply just breaks down.

Basic human survival kicks in. Law and order has basically disappeared completely and as far as anybody knows, this is the apocalypse.

Nobody attends Twins games, leaving the seats completely empty and the only sounds you can hear are those of the remaining Twins fans whispering “just sign Kimbrel...” into the air.


Alright but anyways, yeah Astudillo will be put on the 10 day injured list with a sore left hamstring. Jake Cave has been called back up to take his place.