First Pitch: 3:07 PM Central
See it: FSNO
Hear it: TIBN
Smell it: Hide under the benches in one of the dugouts.
Feel it: Don’t do this, you’ll go to jail.
Baseball was supposed to be yesterday. It wasn’t. Baseball wasn’t supposed to be today. It is.
So now I have to cover this game for you all, which ruins the important plans I had of hiding in my apartment, shirking all responsibility, and accomplishing nothing. Ugh, I was so looking forward to that.
I think the Twins will win because Martin Perez is way better than the weird 2019 version of Matt Harvey, whom I think is actually just some rando who traded bodies with Matt Harvey in some sort of Freaky Friday type incident.
|Max Kepler - CF||David Fletcher - LF|
|Jorge Polanco - SS||Mike Trout - DH|
|Marwin Gonzalez - RF||Albert Pujols - 1B|
|Eddie Rosario - LF||Jonathan Lucroy - C|
|C.J. Cron - 1B||Tommy La Stella - 3B|
|Luis Arraez - DH||Luis Rengifo - 2B|
|Miguel Sano - 3B||Kole Calhoun - RF|
|Jonathan Schoop - 2B||Zack Cozart - SS|
|Willians Astudillo - C||Brian Goodwin - CF|
Earlier I was thinking that “Angels” is the most powerful team name, definitely more powerful than like “some bird.” or “a mildy threatening animal humans are probably making go extinct anyway,” or “just some shitty human that happens to have been born at the same time as some other shitty human.” Then I remembered what angels in christian theology actually look like, and now I’m not so sure.
Look at this guy. You think all those swirl wings aren’t just going to get in the way? You think that ox torso and head jutting out his side brings anything to the table? And what about this one?
What are you doing throne, how you even gonna hold a bat? What do you catch balls with? This one might, however, have a good EYE at the plate. Ahahahahhaha, angel humor.