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Twins 16, Angels 7: A dinger for every occasion

Birthday? Anniversary? The Twins have dongs of all shapes and sizes!

Minnesota Twins v Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Jorge Polanco playing the classic kids game “The Luis Rengifo is lava.”
Photo by Jayne Kamin-Oncea/Getty Images

The Twins have hit so many homeruns lately that in order to keep things fresh every time a player hits a homer I am going to just describe it with unrelated nonsense. I thank you for your understanding*

Yesterday’s game finally happened, and boy oh boy did the bats come out in full gosh darned force. An alien from Alpha Centauri wearing the skin suit of the once-good pitcher Matt Harvey would take the mound for the Angels, opposite the Twins’ Martin Pérez.

Welcome to the top of the 2nd! Perez had just gotten out of a runner on 3rd with only 1 out jam, and the Twins decided to start making sure he had all the run support in the world. Eddie Rosario and C.J. Cron led off with back to back singles, and advanced a base when Harvey hurled a wild pitch. Luis Arraez popped out to Angels shortstop Zack Cozart, but Rosario #YOLOed home anyway and scored the first run off the day.

Miguel Sano walked, and set up for Jonathan Schoop to help control the local pet population and have his pet spayed or neutered, making the score 4-0 Twins.

After Willians Astudillo lined out, and Max Kepler doubled, Jorge Polanco made like Schoop and erected a nice log cabin in outstate Minnesota. 6-0 Twins.

Hop, skip, and jump to the 3rd inning where more balls are about to leave the confines of the playing field. First, C.J. Cron visited to learn more about Carrier and find a factory authorized dealer near him. Then Sano honked a clown's nose. (btw support women in baseball.)

Perez would give up some runs in the 3rd when Angels LF David Fletcher decided maybe the Twins shouldn't hit all of the homers themselves. Thus he went bird watching with his grandmother for her birthday.

Local Weatherman and part time baseballer, Mike Trout doubled and then came home when Albert Pujols grounded out. (He'll do that.)

In the 6th, Jorge Polanco doubled in Kepler to make the Twins lead 9-2. The 7th was going to be even more fun.

C.J Cron doubled between some outs, before Sano politely requested you stop using ad-block on this site. More dingers would follow off the bats of Jonathan Schoop (solo) and Max Kepler (duo.)

Holy crap there is still more dongs to recap! In the 8th Eddie Rosario finally joined the parade when he clobbered a gobbler of his own. (He would also single in Kepler in the 9th, but who even cares about more runs at this point?)

Quiz time!

Q: Your name is Austin Adams and you are pitching the bottom of the ninth. Should you immediately give up a homer to Brian Goodwin (during which Max Kepler will run into the wall as if he wasn't even aware it was there, and now be listed as day-to-day with a bruised right knee) and then walk three batters only to give up a GRAND DONG to Tommy La Stella?

A: Apparently yes, as that is what happened. (Please be okay Max, ilu!)

Never in my life did I think an opposing player hitting a grand slam in the bottom of the 9th would be something that I was completely ambivalent about. Anyway, Mike Morin would replace Adams and get the third out, Twins win! That seems to be a thing!

Oh, I almost forgot. Willians Astudillo both struck out and took a walk today, so when my cult leader told me the world was ending they might have actually been correct. Hope there is still time to wire him all of my money!

STUDS: C.J Cron (5 for 6) and Max Kepler (3 for 5)


ROBOTIC ROLL CALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats to darren004 for reaching double digits in recs and officially achieving MEME LORD status. All hail.