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Twins 10, Mariners 5: Circus Baseball

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The key to winning is to score double digit runs so your bullpen can’t screw it up as easy.

MLB: Seattle Mariners at Minnesota Twins Bruce Kluckhohn-USA TODAY Sports

Michael Pineda stood on the dirtlump (I really think we should call the pitching mound this, please make this a thing.) for the Twins today, opposite the Mariner’s Yusei Kikuchi. Neither of these pitchers really mattered in the long run. Today’s game was a race between two bullpens to see who could blow things up the most spectacularly.

Kikuchi ran into a lot of trouble in his 5 innings. He loaded the bases with 0 outs in the 2nd, but the 2019 Twins did their best 2018 Twins impression and did absolutely nothing with it. Personally I thought was a sub-optimal choice, but to each their own. In the 3rd, the Twins put the Bombamobile onto Cruz control and watched Nelson Cruz hit a line drive dinger over the left field wall and giving the Twins a one run lead that would prove about as meaningful as that pun was good. (Not really at all.)

Pineda got as far as 2 outs in the 6th before running into his own hi-jinx, giving up a single to Kyle Seager and then walking Domingo Santana. Not willing to take any risks, Rocco Baldelli brought in the bullpen. Ryne Harper came in to face human choo-choo train Daniel Vogelbach, who promptly singled in Seager to tie the game (a run that was charged to Pineda.) before getting Omar Narvaez to groundout and end the inning.

Brandon Brennan, (or maybe it was Brennan Brandon, does anyone really know?) replaced Kikuchi in the bottom pf the 6th, and boy was said half-inning to be a wild ride.

Max Kepler walked and then went from first to third on a hit-and-run single off the bat of Ehire Adrianza. Brennan (Brandon?) would attempt to pick-off Adrianza only to throw the ball away and allow Kepler to score. Brandon (Brennan?) one upped himself by then throwing a wild pitch, allowing Adrianza to advance to 3rd.

Jason Castro hit a little doinker to 2nd, but no outs were recorded because lolmariners. Dee Gordon threw the ball home but Adrianza slid under the tag and scored anyway. Brennan then walked fellow a spoonerism immune in Byron Buxton. Brandon was then taken out and replaced with Cory Gearrin. Fortunately for the Twins what Gearrin was gearing up for was “giving up more runs.”

Jorge Polanco singled to load the bases. C.J. Cron lined out, hitting the ball too hard to allow Castro to tag up on the play. Cruz singled in two runs, proving he can small ball as well as huge ball. Some third Mariners bullpen guy came in, but who cares about his name because I have no bit planned for him. Marwin Gonzalez lined out. Jonathan Schoop took one for the team, and then Max “Goshdarned” Kepler singled in two more runs. Adrianza lined out to end the inning.

In the 7th, Polanco singled in Buxton and then C.J Cron hit a two run big big biggidy blast. With the score 10-1 in the Twins favor, the bullpen had its work cut out for them, if they wanted to lose. Freshly called up Fernando Romero would do his best to do just that.

He started the 8th by walking Mac Williamson and then gave up a single, and RBI double, a wild pitch and a walk. Matt Magill came in to put out the fire, and actually managed to do just that. By the way, you supposed Twins fans, don’t boo players when they do bad. I know I poke fun at poor performances all the time, but these guys are all doing there best. Support your team, you assholes! Magill would return for the 9th and give up a run on a Dylan Moore double, but ultimately the Twins would secure the game and series win.

STUDS: Cruz (3/4) and Adrianza (3/5)

DUDS: Fernando Romero (infinite ERA)

ROBOT ROLL CALL!

I apologize for how rambly this recap sounds, it was a hell of a game.