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17 things you can do in 17 innings

For the next time you’ve got six hours to kill.

By Matt Monitto

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Boston Red Sox v Minnesota Twins
It’s not over... it will never be over... (ignore that it already is over...)

It’s easy to think you’ll be able to get something quick done during a ballgame. You leave the TV on and go mow the lawn or wash dishes or pick up the kids, and as expected, a few innings have passed when you return. Sometimes you decide you’re done for the night and turn off the game... only to learn a few hours later that the game has not ended.

If you decided at the start of Tuesday night’s Twins-Red Sox game to do any of the following activities, the 5-hour, 45-minute game would have still been going on when you had finished:

  1. Laugh, ideally at the pain of Red Sox fans: 3 hours, 6 minutes.
  2. Rewatch Game 7 of the 1991 World Series and reminisce: 3 hours, 23 minutes.
  3. Participate in a reenactment of the Battle of Bunker Hill, instantly change costumes from Yankee to Redcoat, and participate in a second reenactment: 4 hours (approximate).
  4. Run a marathon, give your buddy a high five, and run another one: 4 hours, 3 minutes.
  5. Watch all three Naked Gun films consecutively, assuming zero time for switching out DVDs or bathroom breaks or remaking popcorn: 4 hours, 12 minutes.
  6. Rewatch Super Bowl XLVII, using the power outage for bathroom breaks: 4 hours, 14 minutes.
  7. Ascend Mount Kilimanjaro: 4 hours, 56 minutes.
  8. Drive from Miller Park to Target Field: 5 hours (approximate).
  9. Run three consecutive Olympic-distance triathlons: 5 hours, 0 minutes.
  10. Learn to do a backflip: 5 hours, 8 minutes.
  11. Listen to the audiobook of Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five after you never finished it the first time: 5 hours, 13 minutes.
  12. Rewatch the Twins beat the Indians in Puerto Rico last April 18 on Ryan LaMarre’s 16th-inning walk off single: 5 hours, 13 minutes.
  13. Perform in a production of Wagner’s Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg, the longest regularly-performed opera: 5 hours, 15 minutes.
  14. Play a friendly game of Uno with your coworkers, then do it again: 5 hours, 29 minutes.
  15. Play the anthology of Hitman video games from the beginning, stopping after the six main missions of Hitman (2016): 5 hours, 31 minutes.
  16. Recite pi to 22,612 decimal places: 5 hours, 34 minutes.
  17. Fly from Kazakhstan to the International Space Station: 5 hours, 36 minutes.

I hope the ISS gets FS North.

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