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White Sox 6, Twins 4: Banged-up Twins offense can’t overcome unearned runs, Sox dingers

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José Berríos allows six runs, three earned. The Twins do not emerge victorious, despite two SanoBombs.

Minnesota Twins v Chicago White Sox
TOOTBLAN via wingspan
Photo by David Banks/Getty Images

Miguel Sano hit two dongs and José Berríos allowed two of his own. A “piranha”-esque bunch of fifth-inning singles made the winning for Chicago.

To try something different, I wrote inning-by-inning observations. Feel free to hate them, they won’t mind.

1: First game off the injured list for Ehire Adrianza. First batter of the game, Leury Garcia. Throwing error, scored a hit. Ehire owes the Sox scorer a beer. Or, maybe, the Sox scorer owed Ehire a beer and paid him back this way. Anyhoo, James McCann uses the extra out to dong one into left. White Sox 0, Adrianza -2

2: Ehire gets the Twins’ first hit (triple) off Ross Detwiler, who hasn’t started an MLB game since 2016. Miguel Sano repays the dong. Tie game.

LaMonte Wade Jr gets plunked in his first MLB at-bat. (Which won’t technically be his first at-bat, since HBPs don’t count.) Wade promptly commits his first MLB TOOTBLAN on a pickoff move. If the Twins win, veterans are gonna razz him hard over this inning. (Spoiler alert: the Twins would not win.)

The Sox scorer found out Ehire still wants his beer and changed Garcia’s hit to an error.

3: Provus says that when rookie pitcher Lewis Thorpe arrived from Rochester, everybody in the dugout was using an Australian accent. I would have loved to hear Eduardo Escobar doing an Australian accent. Doesn’t seem like he’s done the legendary “name game” in Arizona, alas.

4: The Sox are going to extend protective netting all the way down each foul line, so little children don’t get hit in the face. Idiots will howl that this symbolizes the ongoing wussification of ‘Murica. Gladden’s all in favor of expanded netting, and those who think Gladden’s a wuss may feel free to tell him so at this year’s Sturgis rally.

5: The Twins offense is making 300-year-old Detwiler look like 26-year-old Nick Blackburn. Lots of hits, but nothing’s strung together. Maybe as a mental exercise hitting coach James Rowson should have everybody work on stringing Christmas-tree popcorn ornaments. Before each game, the player who last hit into a GIDP gets to wear them and sit on the pitcher’s mound for 30 minutes to feed seagulls. I think the White Sox have been doing this, as they single Jose Berrios to death. Luis Arraez, who is not an outfielder, plays left field like someone who is not an outfielder. A Jon Jay TOOTBLAN saves Berrios’s butt and makes LaMonte Wade Jr feel better. Sox 4, Twins 2

6: I owe myself a beer. The debt is paid. True Story Pale Ale from Lake Monster. It is pretty good, yet I’m always disappointed in how Lake Monster has great can artwork but no funny stories about the artwork. Where’s Stu when you need him? (Two train stops down, actually.)

7: Three walks by Sox relievers and two pitching changes by manager Rick Renteria. Jorge Polanco bats with the bases loaded and one out. GIDP. Minnesota challenges the play and loses to make this half-inning longer. I finish my beer.

8: More Twins LOBster. Ehire’s second error leads to another two-run homer, this one by Eloy Jimenez. Berrios is yanked for Mike Morin, who gets the last two outs. I think Rocco should have put Thorpe in to have more Australian accent fun.

Old friend Daniel Palka strikes out, making his season line 1-39. It hurts to look at, but probably bugs him more than you.

9: Sano hits his second two-run dingus. He’s truly becoming the next Adam Dunn, isn’t he? Alex Colome, Chicago’s closer, closes.

Your Weird Factoid of the day:

The Dinkelman will be with us. Always. Robot Roll Call:

# Commenter # Comments
1 Dj Ragno 33
2 Mrmumph 29
3 Cooper Carlson 12
4 Joefishy 11
5 CG19 11
6 Joel Hernandez 8
7 Lars in SLP 7
8 Imakesandwichesforaliving 6
9 bf4mvp 6
10 TwinBob 4
11 Uncle Lincoln 4
12 TawnyFroggy 3
13 gintzer 3
14 Asthix 2
15 GopherinSoCal 1
16 Beau Naked 1
17 doomsdayshark 1
18 gonzobob 1

Cleveland also lost (13-0 against Baltimore!), so the Twins’ lead is still eight games. Tomorrow has Michael Pineda and Ivan Nova on the mound. First pitch is at 3:12 PM, probably for some dumb promotional reason. Stay hydrated this hot weekend!