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Rejected trade returns for John Andreoli

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Some items intrigued the Twins, others did not.

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

In case you missed the huge news from earlier this week, John Andreoli was acquired by the Seattle Mariners. Andreoli, an outfielder who was playing with the Rochester Red Wings, came to the Minnesota Twins farm system via a trade late in this year’s Spring Training after the Twins sent outfielder Michael Reed to the San Francisco Giants.

Sources were not clear as to what the Twins received in return for Andreoli, and it doesn’t seem as if the team actually received anything at all. A list was found in the dumpster within the depths of Target Field with a list of items from the Mariners that the Twins front office could choose from as a trade return:

  • cash, but only a stack of crumpled up $1 bills that won’t be taken by vending machines
  • an old tube sock filled with car wash tokens from a now-shuttered car wash
  • my sixth-grade earth science notebook filled with scribbles
  • a Subway Sub Club card
  • a small paper bag filled with peanuts, hard candies, and an apple
  • a jar of Vegemite
  • a medium-sized shipping container filled with items picked up off the curb in random Seattle neighborhoods during clean-up week
  • a box of old credit cards that have been cut up
  • assorted puzzles with at least one piece missing each
  • one of those old train sets, but it only sporadically works when you turn it on
  • an Old Style beer neon light that flickers ominously every five seconds
  • a jar filled with corks from wine bottles
  • a three-team trade with the Washington Nationals to get myself and Joefishy back to Twinkie Town
  • a Blockbuster gift card
  • a container filled with various koozies from rural Washington bars
  • an old church cookbook
  • an “I love Seattle” t-shirt
  • a Space Needle keychain

The Twins supposedly rejected these items and wanted the Mariners to take Andreoli off of their hands. Andreoli was batting .196/.324/.359 with six homers and 15 RBI in 43 games for the Red Wings before being traded.