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Twins 15, Rangers 6: Offense flying high

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When the same guy bats first and bats last in an inning, his team generally will win.

Texas Rangers v Minnesota Twins
Elvis Andrus’s star-spangled cleats did not, in this instance, make his team win.
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

A bat-around second inning gave Minnesota the early 6-0 lead, which it would be hard to lose from, so they didn’t.

Mitch Garver led off said frame with a double and ended it with a strikeout, giving him an OPS of 1.000 for the inning, if I’m calculating OPS correctly. (I think I am.)* The last five runs of that inning came with two outs, so you’re forgiven if you had some doubts after C.J. Cron went GIDP. Luis Arraez and Jorge Polanco subsequently knocked dongs before the out that was third.

Later boomshots would be provided by Jonathan Schoop and the aforementioned Garver. Schoop’s name continues to be pronounced “scope” and not Salt-N-Pepa “shoop,” which never ceases to be disappointing.

(If anyone complains, “that song reference is so old,” you will get a recap someday quoting nothing but 1950s Broadway musicals. I’m just warning you in advance.)

Everybody in the Twins lineup had at least one extra-base hit, except Max Kepler, who deserves to be unceremoniously fired for this shocking lack of whompitude. 2-for-4 on measly singles. Tell no-one you’ve ever heard of him, and perhaps you might escape being tainted by his shame.

Twins starter Martin Pérez did what you’d want a #4 or #5 starter to do, last 94 pitches before making the bullpen do work. Robot Roll Call:

At one point, Cory Provus on radio said “now here’s a guy,” a line I haven’t heard since Will Farrell was doing Harry Caray. I don’t know if that was on purpose or not, but I liked it.

Cleveland didn’t play today, so the Twins’ division lead is a still-precarious 6.0 games. Who doesn’t play a game on Friday? In July? That’s just weird.

*(I was wrong, and OtherPTBNL corrected this. I was thinking of slugging percentage. Sorry! I’d fix it, but once I’ve made a mistake and didn’t notice before somebody smarter did, I think it’s best to leave it there. One should own one’s own dumbness, I believe!)