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Marlins 5, Twins 4: New Bullpen, Still Badpen

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Sam Dyson has the exact opposite of a good debut.

Minnesota Twins v Miami Marlins
btw Max Kepler can levitate bats with his mind
Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images

(I rewrote this recap like 3 times because of this wild ass game, so it might suck. I apologize.)

The Twins looked to secure the sweep against Miami, whose starter Jord- oh, Max Kepler hit a dinger already, that was quick. He’s got 30 now which is, let me check my notes, quite a few.

The Marlins came back in the 2nd when Harold Ramirez tripled in a run. Twins starter Michael Pineda would have a few more squirrely innings, but the Marlins being the Marlins didn’t score anyway. Take that Jeter.

After both teams traveled forward through time at regular speed, the 4th inning became a thing that was happening. After Miguel Sano doubled and Ehire Adrianza got hit by a pitch, Byron Buxton went ahead and doubled them all in, putting the Twins ahead. They would stay there.

Eddie Rosario got the Twins another run the following inning with a sac fly. I don’t know what else to put in this paragraph, so here’s a link to a bunch of pictures of capybaras being friends with other animals. By the way, baseball execs (and I know you all read me.) “The Capybaras” would be a grade A minor league team name. Better than like “Biscuits” or whatever the shit is going on in Montgomery these days.

Tyler Duffey relieved Pineda for the 7th, struck out two, walked two and then struck out another. Sergio Romo Sergio Romowed down the Marlins in the 8th 1-2-3. (I think mowed down means strikeouts, none of the outs were strikeouts but I wanted a pun. Fight me.)

New dude, Sam Dyson, made his Twins debut in the 9th. It was hoped Dyson’s Sphere would power its way through the Miami batters, getting the save and evolving Twins Territory into a Type III civilization on the Kardashev scale. (These are some high brow references I’m pulling out here and you better appreciate them.) However, things did not go as planned. Dyson gave up two hits and two walks, allowing a run and loading the bases. Maybe don’t put a pitcher in like 3 hours after he arrived to the state.

Taylor Rogers came in to clean up Dyson’s mess, but gave up a hit to Neil walker who grounded a ball juuuuuust past Jorge Polanco and tied up the game. Rogers then just went ahead and struck 3 batters (with an intentional walk sandwiched within.) to send the game to extras. Absolutely amazing work by Rogers even with that first hit.

In the bottom of the 12th Harold Ramirez, apparent Twin Killer, walked off with a solo dinger off of Cody Stashak. Oh well, I’m just glad the game didn’t go 18 innings.

STUDS: Pineda, Rogers, Buxton

DUDS: Dyson.

ROBOT ROLL CALL, Y’ALL!!

Comment of the Gamethread:

Smart move by Dyson,

setting fans expectations low so that he can blow us away later.

/savvy!” - montanatwinsfan