Twins 13, Rangers 6: Twins top tootblanin’ Texas

Fresh off the IL, Michael Pineda got the start in Texas. He didn’t know it, but he’d be getting all of the run support. All of it.

After a 1-2-3-4-5-6 first, and an Eddie Rosario lineout to start the second, C.J Cron would become the first baserunner of the game thanks to some sweet error action by old friend and preferred Logan, Logan Forsythe. Then Luis Arraez hit the rare Arraezbomba to start the scoring. Scoring would be something of an ongoing theme.

Marwin Gonzalez doubled, Jason Castro walked, and then Jake Cave doubled Gonzalez in, causing several Jake Raves to start. Max Kepler tried to ground out but the fundamentally sound Rangers wouldn’t let him, so he just reached on a throwing error instead while two more Twins runs scored.

Hey welcome to a new segment I like to call “Twins Scored a Heckin’ Ton of Runs, How Do I Even Describe Them All Without it Getting Dull???”

Wow! The second inning at some point ended and later it was the third inning! Time progresses linearly! Bad-ass!

Hey look, is that Marwin Gonzalez singling Arraez in? You bet your butts it is! Baseball players should wear capes! That’d be neat! Exclamation points make things interesting!

All aboard the S.S 4th inning! On your left you’ll see Jorge Polanco singling Jake Cave in while moving Miguel Sano to third, but watch out because C.J Cron is about single them both in! Now please turn your attention to the horizon, where Marwin Gonzalez won’t stop hitting, and is currently hitting yet another RBI single for the Twins.

Not so fast, assholes! We aren’t done here. Sano still has to hit a solo dong in the top of the 5th.

What’s that? The Rangers scored 3 of there own off Pineda in the bottom of the 5th? Who even cares, you nerd? Eddie Rosario is just going to blast a bomba in the 6th.

Devin Smeltzer would come in to pitch the bottom of the 6th. It was going to be an interesting inning. First off Hunter Pence and his short pants would hit a solo homerun. So let’s get that out of the way. Willie Calhoun singled, and then was thrown out at home (like a dork) on a Rougned Odor double. Odor would move to third on the play only to get caught in a rundown trying to score when Forsythe hit a doinker. He too would be out at home. Jose Trevino singled.

I think you might see the pattern here.

Delino Deshields (the new one.) doubled, and you guessed it, Trevino Tootblanned the heck out of it and was thrown out on the bases like a nincompoop. Thanks Rangers.

Arraez got another RBI single in the 8th, as he does. And Danny Santana would nab the Rangers 6th and final run off Smeltzer in the 9th before the Rangers finally lost.

Cleveland destroyed the Yankees though, lol.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that Max Kepler got hit in the shoulder with a baseball,apparently because Jake Cave hit a 3-0 pitch which is bad? Unwritten Rules????! Baseball players are dumb.

STUDS:
Marwin Gonzalez (4 for 5)
The Rangers Third Base Coach/ Twins Sleeper Cell Agent

DUDS:
NO DUDS TWINS WIN

ROBOT ROLL CALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you all, have an amazing night!