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Five reasons to pay attention to the Twins, rather than the Vikings this fall.

With apologies to our friends at the Daily Norseman

Cleveland Indians v Minnesota Twins
“After I throw this pitch, I have to poop”
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

Football season will soon be upon us. They’re already playing games-that-don’t-count, and throngs have descended upon Eagan to watch men run around in gym shorts. Like many of you, I’m a diehard Vikings fan; but I’m here to tell you to stick around. The Twins will be providing a much superior sporting experience throughout August and September than the local NFL franchise. Here are five reasons why you should watch the Twins instead of the Vikings this fall.

Kirk Cousins is just football Joe Mauer.

The Twins finally got rid of their boring, underperforming, overpaid midwestern white guy this offseason. Meanwhile the Vikings decided to pay even more guaranteed money to a different version of the same package. By all accounts, Kirk is a pretty nice dude. So was Joe. They’re both the pro-athlete equivalent of a sentient loaf of wonder bread. Neither one of them holds much excitement factor for fans, but only one of them is currently playing for your favorite team.

The Twins have a record-setting offense. The Vikings haven’t done that in 20 years.

Rookie-year Randy Moss and the three-deep offense was great. It cemented my status as a Vikings fan (even if I came by hereditarily.) But, that was 20 years ago, and this version of the Vikes probably won’t do anything all that fun. They have a new offense this year, but all accounts suggest it will be heavy on boring stuff like running plays and short throws to the tight end. Not exactly a home run. Speaking of home runs, the Bomba Squad Twins should shatter some team home run records this season.

The Twins have also actually won something, in the history of ever.

Sure, it was 30 years ago, and I was just mocking things that happened 20 years ago, but at least the Twins have a couple championships. The Vikings, meanwhile, have a litany of times they have broken your heart. 1998. 2009. 2017. You’re feeling rage just reading over those numbers. And that’s not to mention the squandered dynasty of the ‘70s. The Twins probably won’t win a championship this year, but at least they have done so.

This is the most exciting part of the baseball season, and the most boring part of the football season.

The Twins are in an actual, honest-to-goodness pennant chase this season. They are competing for a AL Central crown, and Cleveland is making it a good race. Even if the Twins fall out of the division lead, they will still be competing for a wildcard spot The Twins have vastly exceeded their preseason predictions, which were to be more-or-less mediocre. The Vikings are also predicted to be more-or-less mediocre, but what are the odds of two Minnesota teams exceeding predictions by so much in a given year? To top that off, right now the NFL games are nothing more than glorified practices, primarily played by guys who won’t even make the roster.

September Call-ups

Unlike the large number of football players you can watch in the preseason, who will likely never make an impact in the regular season, the guys the Twins will likely be calling up this September have major roles to play in the future of the team. Nick Gordon might have lost a bit of prospect status, but there is every reason to believe could be a future middle-infielder for the Twins. Brusdar Graterol could be one of the best homegrown pitchers the Twins have ever seen, and a lot of folks think he will make some appearances in the bullpen. The Twins will also be re-adding arms like Stashak and Dobnak who have appeared throughout the season now-and-then, but could be mainstays in the near future. If you want a great glimpse of the future, watch September baseball. If you want to see a great flash-in-the-pan like Chris Colabello, you’ll see those too, and we’ll be debating their futures for the entire offseason. You might even get in early on the next Willians Astudillo craze.