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193 “Triple Play” businesses sue Twins for copyright infringement

Expect this case to end in a 5-4-3 decision.

MLB: AUG 07 Braves at Twins
“Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don’t Know, I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow...”

In the span of two weeks and two days, the 2019 Minnesota Twins’ third baseman fielded a ground ball and stepped on third for one out, fired a throw to second for another, and watched the second baseman relay the ball to first to retire the batter, completing an around-the-horn triple play.

This impressive feat of fielding has not sat well with the owners of 193 U.S. businesses with “Triple Play” in their names, all of whom have filed a joint lawsuit against the Twins.

“If the team keeps this up, no one’s going to think of us,” said Don Whitman, owner of the Triple Play Diner outside Bloomington, Minnesota. “I love what the guys are doing on the field, but this is getting ridiculous.”

Marc Gutierrez, who manages Triple Play Collectibles near Brooklyn and orchestrated the lawsuit, has considered filing a claim against Twins manager Rocco Baldelli as well.

“It doesn’t make sense for these guys to get two triple plays, with two separate defensive lineups. Look at Miguel Sano; he’s at first base against the Yankees and finishes that one, then starts the triple play against Atlanta. Baldelli has to be tinkering with the lineup in order to get these results. It can’t be coincidence,” he said.

Representatives from the team have thus far declined comment, aside from pointing and laughing.

“I don’t know why anyone’s laughing,” said Dorian Wilson, who operates the Triple Play Arcade in Aspen, Colorado. “This baseball team is a threat to our business enterprises. Legal action was the clear step for us to take.”

At press time, none of the plaintiffs had expressed a desire to sue each other for the same copyright violation, nor had we received confirmation of a similar lawsuit filed by the owners of Seattle’s Around The Horn Music Shop.