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Twins 4, Royals 3: Why won’t Cleveland just lose already

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There’s always time for chasing teams to catch up, if you remember the years Twins teams did so.

Kansas City Royals v Minnesota Twins
Randy, lose the beard. Keep the mustache. Beard is “I’m too lazy to shave,” mustache is “I’m rocking a weird look because I can.”
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

The Twins wonned from a Nelson Cruz sac fly, Miguel Sano triple (!!!), and Marwin Gonzalez double. The Gonzalez runs came after Royals pitcher “Speier” got yanked for pitcher “Barlow,” and if you know what these guys’ first names are, you are a bigger baseball fan than me. Either that or you’ve mortgaged your home to bet hard on a fantasy league, which is something I strongly disadvise.

Randy Dobnak, who continues the fine baseball tradition of players named “Randy” having quality face fuzz, allowed one run in 5+ innings, and only then when his replacement came in. Unfair baseball thing; if you give up a bloop single as a pitcher, and the guy replacing you gives up a rocket bomb double, you’re tagged with that run. Fair? No. Do the stats even out eventually? Yes.

Many excellent comments among the scant 91 here, but I have to give “Comment Of The Gamethread” to Isn’tThatSomething (great username) for “We’re gonna win Twins, give it our all... our Club does include those Players of Base Ball that have the requisite capability to strike the spherical projectile for which the sport is named, with suficient force so as to remove the protective outer layer.”

That’s seriously good, and I’ll give extra points if Isn’tThatSomething remembers the Hormel hot dog song. Also great was farm_guy’s “A sermon on the mound,” which sounds like a joke I must have heard ten thousand times before but I actually haven’t heard it before, well done.

STUDS OF THE GAME: Dobnak, all sixteen Minnesotans who paid attention to this gamethread on one of the year’s last pleasant Fridays before things get cold.

DUDS OF THE GAME: That one guy in the “Cub Family Section” who secretly pounded a whiskey while pretending to only go get a plastic helmet of nachos. Robot Roll Call: