Post Playoff Depression Morning Minnesota

I’ve woken up from my post-postseason elimination anger coma to bring you some link so make your day bet- ah, they’re all gonna be depressing aren’t they? Yeah. Yep. There isn’t anything uplifting to link. If you are still grump about it, maybe skip this one. It isn’t gonna brighten your day, but only remind you of the lifelong curse put upon your for being born into the miserable hellscape of Minnesota.

Previously on Twinkie Town:

• Zach tells us why this streak is the Twins to own now. No more excuses. And yeah.....Yeah.
• Sigh
• If you want to have a bit of fun and feel like you are going senile, Matt has a quiz for you!

Elsewhere in Depression Territory:

• Hey wanna know just how unlikely the Twins worst-in-show 18 playoff game lose streak is? TwinkiePower over at Twins Daily has you covered, and boy is it a lot worse than you think. 69 billion to 1. 69 friggin’ BILLION. Let me throw some science at you to illustrate how big of a number that is. Y’know Earth? That planet that we live on? Yeah that formed a little over 4.5 billion years ago. Y’know the universe? That thing that encompasses all of everything since the very concept of things became a thing? Yeah that started just under 14 billion years ago. You know Jeff Bezos? If you do steal all of his money. (Oh by the way our own Jonathan Gamble came up with a much more realistic set of odds for this, but it didn’t allow me to go on as long and dumb of a rant. Sorry Jonathan!)
• Oh hey cool, remember how Jorge Polanco’s output dropped this year and also he comitted a huge error that may have cost the Twins a chance at actually winning a playoff game once? Yeah he’s probably gonna need ankle surgery. His ankle was bad the whole time. Super cool.
• In news that won’t make you punch a wall, or a tree, or your imaginary friend Charles, Nelson Cruz and the Twins have mutual interest in continuing their relationship.
• Hey do you want to weep openly at your screen? Watch the video in this tweet!

• Oh, also bye Trevor May probably.

• :(
• Here, remember the good ol’ days.

Around the World in Bases and Balls:

• Go Padres. That is all.

Today’s soundtrack is Yoshi’s Island, a place where your main trouble is a turtle on a broom makin’ random shit BIG. No one has to worry about their baseball team losing every everything forever.