Twins 9, Mariners 1: The most epic performance by Homer since the Illiad (simulated)

Today’s lineups:

MIN: Kepler RF, Polanco SS, Cruz DH, SanoG 1B, Rosario LF, Donaldson 3B, Garver C, Arraez 2B, Buxton, CF, Bailey P

SEA: Smith LF, Seager 3B, Long DH, Vogelback 1B, Crawford SS, Gonzalez RF, Nola C, Moore 2B, Ramirez P

Homer Bailey is bad, bad baseball man. Homer Bailey somehow made it through seven innings, four walks, four strikeouts, and no earned runs on only 96 pitches.

Here is how Homer Bailey did bad things to the Seattle Jerry’s:

First Inning: Groundout, Flyout, Walk, Caught Stealing

Second Inning: Groundout, Flyout, Strikeout

Third Inning: Single, Flyout, Pick off, Flyout

Fourth Inning: This was the one where the M’s scored. More on this later.

Fifth Inning: Strikout, Groundout, Strikeout

Sixth Inning: Groundout, Flyout, Flyout

Seventh Inning: Walk, Double play, Strikout.

Okay, back to the fourth, since that was the only blemish on Bailey’s night. Mallex Smith started it out with a single, and then a rare Max Kepler error let Smith advance. Kyle Seager moved the runner to third on a sac fly. Shed Long (what a name) walked, and then Bailey threw a wild pitch on the first pitch to the next batter, Daniel Vogelbach. Smith scored and Long went to second. Vogelbach hit a deep fly to center, advancing Long to third, before Bailey got J.P. Crawford to pop up to the catcher and end the threat. Due to the error, this was considered an unearned run.

While all of this was going on, the Twins batters had some fun of their own. They hung four runs on poor Yohan Ramirez in the top of the fourth. The fireworks didn’t start until there were already two outs, and Eddie Rosario hit a deep double to left-center. Josh Donaldson would join him on the basepaths by working a seven-pitch walk. Mitch Garver followed that with a base-clearing double to the right field corner, and then came home when the next batter, Luis Arraez, hit a 394 foot homer (not the pitcher, imagine if he was 394 feet tall though.)

Nelson Cruz joined the bomba party with a solo shot to right-center in the top of the fifth. The Twins added two more in the top of the sixth. Donaldson singled, and scored on an Arraez double. Arraez himself would come home on a Buxton single to take the score to 7-1 Twins.

In the top of the ninth, Buxton collected another hit (a double, not that it matters) to set the stage for Max Kepler to use his maximum keplocity and drive in the last two runs of the night, on a 409 footer.

On the mound for Minnesota, Tyler Clippard replaced Homer Bailey after the first batter of the eighth collected an infield hit. Clippard shut the door by collecting six consecutive outs.

Notes

• Retractable roofs sure are nice. We were playing with the expensive thing closed tonight.
• The game went 3:24. Bailey made quick work of Seattle.
• Are the Mariners that bad, or is Homer Bailey going to be our best pitcher?
• Miguel Sano was the King-of-true-outcomes tonight with two walks and three strikeouts in five plate appearances.

STUDS:

Homer Bailey: 7IP, 0ER, 4K
Luis Arraez: 2-4, 2RS, 3RBI, HR
Byron Buxton: 2-4, RS, RBI
Max Kepler: 1-4, RS, HR, 2RBI

DUDS:

No Duds Twins win!!!

Tomorrow: Game two in Seattle. 9:10 Central first pitch (look for the recap around midnight.)

SIM TWINS: 4-1, ¹⁄₂ game behind Chicago.