Hi baseball fans, it’s me, Marea. You remember, the one that used to write about baseball when there used to be baseball to write about. In these quarantined, baseball-less days, I’ve been doing all sorts of things like homeschooling my kids and binge watching Ozark and Tiger King. Sometimes, though, I DO need to leave the house to go for walks or get groceries when the delivery options are three days out. The CDC is now recommending that we wear masks, even homemade ones, when we do leave the house.
If you’re like me, you probably don’t have a stockpile of fabric or elastic laying around waiting to be fashioned into a mask, or maybe you can’t sew worth a shit. But I bet if you live in Twins Territory, you DO have a Homer Hankie laying around. (And for those of you who don’t live in Twins Territory, chances are your team has a similar towel for waving during the post season. I’m going to show you how to make your very own CDC recommended mask out of a Homer Hankie and two rubber bands, without any sewing, glue, tape, staples, or any other general ruining of the beloved baseball artifact.
You can either watch the video here with all of my quarantine hair glory, or just read my step-by-step instructions.
Step 1: Find a Homer Hankie and Two Rubber Bands
For this particular project, I found a 2006 Hankie. I have other years, but it was the first one I grabbed. (Also the 2019 Bomba SZN towel wouldn’t have worked for this). Ah, 2006. Johan won his second Cy Young Award. Mauer won his first of three Batting Titles. Morneau was 33 for MVP and won the Home Run Derby. The Twins waiting with baited breath with the fans at the Metrodome, watching the Tigers game to determine whether the Twins would win the AL Central Title. But I digress. This is about your safety, not memory lane.
Flip the Hankie so that you are looking at the back side of it.
Step 2: Fold the bottom up
Fold the bottom up about 1/3 of the way.
Step 3: Fold the Top Down
Fold the top down to meet the bottom.
Step 4: Place Rubber Bands on Either Side
Put the rubber bands around each end - about 1/4 of the way into the sides. Make sure the rubber bands are stretchy enough to fit this project, but not so loose that they don’t hold the mask onto your face. I tried this with some new hair binders but they were too stiff to use for this.
Step 5: Fold the Sides Over
While holding the rubber bands in place, fold the sides over toward the middle.
Step 6: Tuck One Side Into the Other
This is where it gets tricky. While making sure you don’t pop the whole thing open, tuck one side into the folds of other.
Step 7: Try It On
The rubber bands should fit snugly behind your ears and you can stretch the hanky up and down a bit to make sure your entire nose/mouth area is covered. Also, keep your opinions of my quarantine hair to yourself, thanks.
And that’s it! You now have a social distancing friendly mask to wear to the grocery store or on your walk. Because those are the only two places you should be going. As Samuel L. Jackson so eloquently put it: STAY. THE. FUCK. AT. HOME.
Marea is a contributor to TwinkieTown along with running Moonshots & Mustard.