Earlier this week, a surprise trade came across the wires. The Minnesota Twins received Ildemaro Vargas from the Arizona Diamondbacks for good ol’ cash consideration. It had at least one mega-bandwagon fan pumped up.
“Oh yeah, it’s so good to see the Twins give old Kennys a chance again,” said Jordan Jacobson (the “dudes” call him J.J.), 34, from Edina, Minnesota. “Damn, the years he was with the... what were they called, ‘Mini Pirahnas’? They were just so good.”
Kennys, of course, was with the Twins for parts of four years (2014-2017), batting .252/.311/.748 with 35 homers and 116 RBI. He was put on waivers due to a logjam at the DH and first base spots and cleared waivers. After bouncing between the Cincinnati Reds and the Twins in the waiver process, he signed with the Tigers and then landed in Japan where he went on to bat .233/.329/.365 with six home runs and 27 RBI in 2019.
“What a good dude, too. He must have hit at least 30 homers a year,” said Jacobson after he took a drag from his mini-vape. “The Twins teams were really good back then, man.”
The Twins went 297-351 during those four years that Kennys was on the team, leading to a .458 winning percentage. They also somehow managed to grab a wild card spot in 2017, eventually losing to the New York Yankees.
J.J. added that Kennys is “quite the good defenseman, especially in the outfield” and also has the speed of “that Buxton kid” that the Twins “wasted a draft pick on”. For comparison, Kennys accumulated a grand total of zero stolen bases in zero attempts during his career and notched only one triple in 859 plate appearances.
“He could definitely slot in behind Thome or Mauer, if he’s not injured again. I just think he’s a great addition to the lineup,” said Jacobson. “That Bomber Squad is pretty good right now, but Vargas, he’s the real deal to get this team where it needs to go.”