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Royals 3, Twins 2: McBroom’s stick gives Twins first losing streak of 2020

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FIRE BALDELLI AND PANIC NOW (in whatever order you prefer).

Minnesota Twins v Kansas City Royals
This is not Ryan McBroom but admit it you wouldn’t have known.
Photo by Ed Zurga/Getty Images

A bunch of Kansas City players you haven’t heard of before scratched out a narrow victory over Minnesota in a bullpen battle. Devin Smeltzer does well as Minnesota’s spot starter until a very strange rain delay, and Matt Wisler can’t recreate his Sunday/Monday magic. Inning-by-inning notes:

1st: Not much for the Twins. Royals Dickensian name Whit Merrifield draws a leadoff walk and promptly gets TOOTBLANed off first. (Former Royal Cheslor Cuthbert was also a very Dickensian name.)

2nd: Still little for Minnesota. Jake Junis balks Marwin Gonzalez to second, which is pretty funny considering Marwin had exactly one steal last year. He doesn’t score.

3rd: Byron Buxton hits the first dong surrendered by Junis this season. (Seeing as Junis had only pitched in one previous game, because of COVID, it was likely he’d eventually give up one.)

Kansas City has a first baseman named Ryan McBroom. I have no further comment about this name.

Maikel Franco leads off with a double and gets sac bunted to third. The next Royals batter, Nick Heath, singles him home. Aren’t bunts fun? MIN 1, KC 1

4th: Marwin leadoff dongs, no bunting required. Gladden: “this is a hard ballpark to hit balls out of.” I’m not sure which ballpark is easy to hit balls out of, but hey, it works for me.

After four innings, Twins “opener” Smeltzer sits at 48 pitches. That’s not what you predicted. MIN 2-1

5th: Two dribblers and a single tie the game off Smeltzer. A really weird “rain delay” brings tarps out for less time than it would take to order a stadium beer, if anybody was ordering stadium beers. That ends Smeltzer’s night. Matt Wisler comes in, gives up a walk and long flyball that’s barely caught by Jake Cave. Tied 2-2

6th: Mr. McBroom connects off Wisler for a dinger. I jinxed the Twins by slightly mocking his name above. Well, you know who else has an unusual name? Ehire, that’s who! (This reverse jinx does not prove to work.) KC 3-2

7th: Kansas City pitcher Josh Staumont comes in, throws close to 100 MPH, is quickly injured. His relief help is Scott Barlow. There is a Scott Barlow on LinkedIn who self-describes as “Top Career Change Podcast Host on Apple Podcasts. Author. CEO. Keynote Speaker. Career Happiness & Self Development Nerd.” He went to Washington State University. So did Gary Larson. Larson would have had some fun with that job title.

Miguel Sano gets his glove hand banged up on a one-out Royals bunt play, because one-out bunts are fun. He stays in the game.

8th: Sean Poppen gives up two two-out Royals hits yet no runs. The Twins didn’t do much of much.

9th: Nelson Cruz comes in to pinch-hit for Ehire and goes down swinging on six near-100 MPH fastballs. If these Royals relievers can stay healthy and throw strikes, they’ve got some pretty nasty bullpen arms.

COTGT goes to our site pope for “Be careful, you’ll summon Manfred and a new rule change with that talk” and gonzobob’s reponse “Only if you say his name three times.” Robot Roll Call:

Josh Donaldson was placed on the IL today, but Jake Odorizzi is planned to come off it tomorrow, so that’s good!